I have a thought, and before my nerves get the better of me, I say, “Riley, are you free tonight? Can I shout dinner as a ‘thank you’?”Breathe.
He takes a beat and says, “Sure. I’ll pick you up at six?”
“Sounds good. See you then,” I reply.
“See you at six,” he adds, and he is gone. I am smiling at the space he once occupied. I’m terrified, but I need to focus on the day and then worry about dinner later.
With Javi unwell, the team shut down the pit early and headed back to the hotel. There isn’t anything for us to do until Javi is back and feeling better. But this does give me an opportunity to think and obsess about dinner. Go out? Stay in? What food? My mind reels.
I put the live coverage of the practice session on the TV in an attempt to distract myself, but it’s not done me any good. I am still overthinking, seeing Riley on screen, albeit under a helmet, but even that is fucking sexy. Seeing him throw his leg over his bike, leaning over the tank. I wipe the drool I am sure is dripping onto my chin. Deciding I need to stop this trance on the TV, I take a walk to clear my head and get stuff for dinner. Knowing he doesn’t have any set restrictive diets before a race day, I walk the aisles, hoping inspiration will take hold. Deciding on some very boring pasta and salad when inspiration doesn’t hit, my mind continues to be a swirling mix of thoughts. I feel like a lot is riding on this meal. I miss Riley and I want to work out how we can get back to where we were.
I absentmindedly try to waste time in the hotel room. I took a shower, washed my hair, prepped the salad, made the sauce. Time was dragging until 6:00 p.m. It felt like an entire day passed before I heard Riley knocking on the door. I jump up from the lounge and run to the door. Taking a deep breath or two, I smooth down the front of my t-shirt. Opening the door, Riley stands with a wide smile and his hair slightly damp but pushed back. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I greet and step back to let him in.
“So, where did you want to go for dinner?” he asks, stepping in and turning around to face me. “Actually, smells like you’ve made the decision to stay here.”
“Unless you want something in particular, I just bought some pasta and salad to have here. Figured we could…talk?” I said, willing myself to not be so nervous.
He nods silently and slightly grimaces, just enough for me to catch before he goes back to a neutral face. “Did you want to chat now? Get it out of the way?”
“Yeah, I do,” I reply and start walking to the lounge, grateful he’s following. Sitting on the lounge facing each other, I am reminded of his caring, deep blue eyes, watching me so intently. His endearing presence that I have missed so much over the last few weeks. He sits on the lounge and goes to put his arm around the back of the lounge where I sat, but he second-guesses himself and puts his arm by his side. I hate that last bit. “I’m sorry we haven’t been able to see each other for the last few weeks. It’s been a bit chaotic with the end of the season and you four being so close.”
“It’s fine. I know how insane the end of season gets.” He smiles, no joking tone present.
“It’s not fine. You said something really lovely, and I dismissed it. I dismissed you,” I start, feeling my emotions brimming already as I pause to steady myself.
“I shouldn’t have added to your plate. You were overwhelmed, and I added to the pressure. That wasn’t fair to you,” he replies, leaning towards me.
“No, it wasn’t fair toyou, and it’s not fair to you now. You were so brave saying it to me, and I got scared. Everyone I’ve had to rely on, I have disappointed or not lived up to their expectationsof me. But I didn’t have to live up to any expectations for you. You accepted me for who I am, what I can offer someone. No rules for us being together. You had the courage to tell me how you felt about me. And that was way more courageous than I ever could be. I wanted to tell you in Sydney, at the nightclub, at the hotel room. But I chickened out each time. I didn’t want to ruin anything between us by the rules I put down for this. For us,” I blurt out. I can’t stop; everything is coming out. I hope some of it makes sense.
“In Sydney?!” He is shocked.
“Yeah.”
“What did you want to tell me in Sydney?” he presses.
“That I love you. But I ruined everything by not being honest with you three weeks ago when you said it to me—”
Before I know it, he grabs me and pulls me onto his lap so I am straddling him. “How could you ever think you have ruined it?”
I put my hands on either side of his face and ask. “I haven’t?” His face in my full view. Fuck, have I missed him.
“Never.” He pauses. “I love you.”
I smile and return. “I love you, too.”
Our lips meet, and it’s the best feeling I could ever imagine. His arms encircle my waist, bringing me tightly into him. “Fuck I have missed you, gorgeous.”
“I’ve missed you too, hotshot,” I say between kissing him, threading my fingers through his hair.
“What have you missed the most? Dirty answers only.” He smirks against my lips.
I brush, but play along. “Your mouth.”
“Where have you missed it?” he asks, hovering his lips over my neck.
“My neck.”
