“You didn’t. It’s okay to want to be with someone. You gave it a go and put it out there. You both have been hanging out all season,” Javi tries to soothe.
Feeling drops of water hit my arms, we both look up, and the rain pours down. We escape into the hospitality tent where anyone walking nearby has also run into.
“Guess we aren’t on track this arvo,” Javi offers.
The rain did not let up, and the afternoon session was cancelled to ensure riders’ safety. I’m relieved because I am wrecked. I can’t wait to crawl into bed and sleep away this day.
I'm lying in bed when I hear a knock at the door. My heart skips, but I shake my head. She’s not coming around here. I ruined it. It’s still early. She's probably out with her parents.
I open the door. “Hey, to what to I owe the pleasure?”
Rayna’s kind smile and dark brown hair flashes and it soothes a part of my soul. “Hey Riley, I heard about what happened today. Wanted to check in on you.”
Stepping back, I gesture. “Please come in.”
“Thank you.”
She steps in and outstretches her arms for me, embracing me in a tight hug, and to be honest, I need it. “I’m so glad Mabel was there to support you.”
Maybe it’s the motherly embrace, the awfulness of the day, or the mention of Mabel in this moment, but a deluge of emotions hit me. I exhale a shaky breath and blink back some tears. “Me too.”
Hearing my crumbling voice, Rayna hugs me tighter, squeezing silent tears out of me. Everything feels too much and out of my control, when all that matters is having Mabel in my life, and I fucked that up completely. I wouldn’t even know where to start to repair everything with her, and I feel like I have lost her.
Taking a few solid moments to recompose myself, I step back. “Thanks, Rayna. You always know what to say to make me feel better.” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiles with warmth, places a hand on my face, and, seemingly knowing what I am overthinking about, says, “You deserve the world. Things will settle down in their own time.”
I smile back and nod. “Thanks, Rayna.”
“I’m so glad Geoff's banned, though,” she starts as I head to the kitchen and grab a water, offering some to Rayna, which she accepts. “He's a menace. I hope he does something to be banned from the enduro and rally circuits. He’s not a fan of the sports; he's a sensationalist trying to go viral with things he thinks are edgy, which anyone else knows are tacky and not needed to be said.”
“If he likes melodramas so much, he should watch soap operas, not motorsports,” I agree.
Rayna chuckles out loud and agrees.
We discuss my parents’ visit and Rayna encourages me to invite them to any race they want. She asks how they're coping with Kiara’s death, how I'm doing with it.
“To be honest, Mabel has helped a lot,” I confess. “It’s been nice to have someone to be with during this first season back since Kiara passed away.”
“I think you and Mabel really helped each other this season. You also helped her find her feet and supported her in return. You both came into each other’s lives at the right time and provided the other what was needed,” she offers.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I scruff the back of my neck. I’m not going to confess too much to Rayna. I trust her, but I don’t want to break any trust I have with Mabel. “Definitely agree with you there.”
“Having those people come into your life when you need them the most is the greatest gift life can offer you,” Rayna adds, a little wistfully, like she was talking to herself more so than to me. “Anyway, enough light philosophy. I should let you get back to your evening. Please let me know if you need anything. Everyone is always here for you.” And gives me a quick hug and leaves.
Creeping back into bed, I feel a bigger weight, thinking back about how much Mabel has been around me this season. She wasn’t a crutch, but she really did help me not feel lonely or dwell too much and supported a new normal, considering Kiara and I would have been rooming together during the season.
I stare at my phone. What can I possibly say to her over text that isn’t me putting more pressure on her, or adding to her plate?
The screen lights up and her name flashes across it with,
Hope you’re okay after today. x
Yeah, all good. Thanks again for saving me. x
In more ways than she’ll know.
Always. x
