“Oh, no, no. We aren’t together,” I reply. “We’ve just struck up a friendship this year.” I’m not about to divulge the fuck buddy agreement I have with his rider. Embarrassing!
“Sorry, my mistake.” Koby raises his hands with a smile. “But please remember, regret in love turns bitter, and it’s hard to get out of it.”
“Speaking from experience.” Not a question. I can hear the regret in his voice.
“Indeed. But I don’t want to bore you with an old man’s story,” he chuffs.
“Please, I would love to hear it,” I ask, definitely intrigued.
“I was in love with a beautiful soul the moment I met her when we were seventeen. She started out as my friend, but I developed deeper feelings for her. Always terrified to tell her how I felt because I didn’t want to tell her and lose her friendship.”This was sounding familiar.“So I shut my mouth. Enjoyed her company. Too scared to reach out and hold her hand. Then she found the love of her life and I knew I had no chance of beingwith her, so I lost her anyway. We still hung out, and we were all friends, but that unspoken love was still there in my heart.
“And I had to get over her while still seeing her. Pretending things were okay because, at the surface level, they had to be. I met my wife, well, ex-wife now, and I did love her, but when she said she was out of love with me, I didn’t fight to save it, thinking this is what I deserved. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret that time together. We had good times together, and we have an incredible daughter, but our passions laid elsewhere and we drifted apart.
“But I still live with that regret that I was too scared to take a risk. Put myself out there. Find out if she was the right one.” He paused, continuing, “Sorry, that was a lot.”
“No, thanks for sharing. I appreciate it,” I reply.
He scratches the short, black and grey stubble along his jaw. “And sorry if this is forward, but I have known Riley for a long time. This season he hasn’t been happier and more content both on and off the track, even while he is still grieving. You both might not be together-together, but you have made a positive impact in his life during a time he needed someone the most, and that is a gift worth treasuring.”
Letting the words from Koby fall and the weight of them settle on my heart, I am both touched and saddened. I trust Koby, but I don’t want to talk too much about my love life.
He picks up that I have drifted into an internal monologue and stands. “If you need anything, please reach out. I knowRayna would also be someone you can talk to if you want someone in your team to confide in. Have a good night.”
And I am left alone with my thoughts. No closer to knowing what I should do. No closer to wanting to go back to my room.
27
Riley
Argh, why did I say that? I freaked her out. Pushed her. And for what? My ego? To make her say the same thing back to me? To label what we are doing? Why can’t I just be content with her being in my life? I have to blurt out “I love you” to someone who doesn’t do relationships.
Needless-to-say, I didn’t sleep well that night, but at least it’s just media for most of today and a few laps to get in, weather permitting. We’ve had a lot of sporadic rain leading up to this weekend, so it’s going to be an unpredictable few days approaching the end of the season.
Stepping into the media room, I instinctively scan the room for her. She’s chatting with Shelby, her effortlessly beauty captivating and entrancing me. She looks over at me and smiles small at me. I smile small back to her and break away. I can’t bear to look at her and think about the position I have put her in.
Ghostly Flux’s PR Director, Oscar Eldric, ushers me to the first interview.
All the questions are the same.What’s your strategy for the final races?
Are you nervous coming third in the championship?
Same old, same old.
Later in the media run times, Geoff The Dick has set up for his interview. But I just have to get through this one and I can get lunch. I’m famished.
He starts the interview off as any other, asking those same end of season questions, but then I couldn’t predict the next words that came out of his mouth.
“So Riley, you have a bit of a reputation for being a recluse off the track this year. Is this a coping mechanism for your sister committing suicide last year?”
“What the fuck?” I manage. I am in shock. “Why thefuckwould you ask a question like that?”
“We’re going in a different direction for questioning on the podcast,” he replies, like it was a simple question asked, waiting for a reply from me.
“Right, you’re out of here.” Mabel’s voice comes out from behind me.
“What? You can’t do that.” Geoff looks at Mabel with disgust. The irony.
“No, I have full authority to do that. And you’re banned from all future media events, forever,” Mabel says, putting herself in between Geoff and me, lifting her phone to her ear. “Jerome? I need you in the Media Tent to escort Geoff out. He’s just packing his equipment up. He is banned from setting foot on any tracks now.” Lowering her phone, she looks at Geoff and says, “Pack your shit up and get the fuck out of here. You have five minutes.” And then she turns around and slides her armunder my arm and escorts me out while Javi and a few of the other riders, PR Directors, and Team Owners have stood and congregated around Geoff, waiting for him to kick up a stink so they can forcibly remove him. Mabel walks me to a smaller room in the large media tent, which has some chairs and bottled waters.
