“But what if she feels the same? And do you really want to be in this one-sided?”
“Guess I've just been scared of losing something else that means so much to me.”
“Well done for verbalising your fear, Riley. And I understand why you are scared and cautious about sharing your feelings with her.”
There is silence between us while I let my revelation sit with me.
“Is there anything else you’d like to add?”
“I should tell her how I feel. Be honest with her.”
“I think that could be a good idea. And then you will know how she feels as well.”
“Yeah.”
Shit, I need to talk to Mabel.
My stomach is in knots, going over how to have this conversation with Mabel. Her parents have been here for a couple of days, and I've hardly heard from her. I think that makes it worse—not seeing her and gauging her mindset. The unknownplaying on my mind.
She’s mentioned her parents can be a drag and critical of her, so I don’t know how she would be feeling right now. I don’t know what to do. How to tell her. How to start the conversation.
My mind is racing; I need to slow it down. Breathing in slowly and deeply, I aim to quiet my mind. Focus on one thing. Not the conversation I need to have. Or any of the possible consequences.
Throwing on something to do a workout in, I head down to the hotel gym and am met with a sign displaying the gym is closed. Sighing, exasperated and annoyed, I tap the door with my open palm.
“Easy, tiger,” Javi calls out sarcastically from behind me, Sophia smiling beside him.
“Hey,” I reply to them.
“You okay?” Sophia asks.
“Yeah; was just going to hit some weights to clear my mind,” I reply, raking a hand through my hair.“We’re heading to the track for some recap meetings. Want to come and clear your mind there?” Javi asks.It sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in weeks. I need to clear my head. Feel the freedom that comes with dominating a bike. No pressure of testing, or fine-tuning or time-attacks. Just me, a bike, and the tarmac.
Sitting in the back of the cab on the way, my leg bounces. Agitated. Scenery passes by, but I don’t register the details. Blurring greens and browns, colour motorcades of other cars,the gapping openness of the clear light blue sky. Almost too suffocating with the openness.
My thoughts too jumbled and present to appreciate anything or register what Javi is trying to say to me.
“Ri?” he repeats.
“Sorry. What did you say?” I look over at his creased forehead and confused eyes.
“I asked,How are things going?But I think I got my answer. What’s going on?”
“Just in my head too much at the moment. Need to get a few laps in to clear my mind. Intense therapy session today.”
“Want company on track?”
“Nah, I’ll be right. Cheers, though.” And I go back to unfocused gazing out of the window until we reach the track.
Making a beeline to my garage, I give small waves to the handful of people through the paddock until I hit my pit.
“Hey, Kobs. Wasn’t expecting you here,” I say, as he looks up from his laptop at the pit box’s bench.
“Heya, Riley. Could say the same thing to you. What brings you here?” Koby’s eyes are filled with worry and concern. I’m sick of people looking at me like that today.
“Hoping I could jump on one of the bikes and ride it like I stole it around the track for a few laps?”
“Sure, but can you use one of your old bikes we drag around? I am running some aero analysis on these two at the moment. Old bike and gear is in our trailer.”
