Javi’s clothes are on the pull-out sofa, so I know he is already down in the garage before I hear the bike start up.
“Here you go, backpack,” he says over the thrum of the engine, handing me a backpack.
I throw it on once I finish gearing up and climb behind him on the bike. My arms instinctively wrap tightly around his waist, tapping his stomach that I am ready. He taps my hands to indicate he is ready, and then takes off. The cool winter air whips around me as we hit the highway. Bushland surrounds the highway as I take in the beauty of this glorious land, grateful I can see the east coast beaches to the inland vastness of the bush. As we ride, I appreciate the small towns and the cities. Being able to meet wonderful people in and out of the tracks. To heal with one of the most supportive people I have ever met, sitting in front of me with my arms wrapped around his waist, as I entrust him to keep us safe on the bike.
Why am I keeping him at arm’s length? Because of my stupid decision to not be close during our last week? Which doesn’t make sense anymore. I could have been enjoying spending time being close and open with him on this testing trip. But I had to put the brakes on and say,let’s stop.Dumb. Why did I do that? And he was so understanding, he just accepted my wishes—which was bloody dreamy—but I was expecting more discussion about it. Maybe it would have made me falter. But he accepted it.
After our past day on the course, I was in my element and loving Javi being there with me. I checked him out while he was taking jumps, riding ahead and standing up on the bike, throwing it around underneath him as we laughed and made jokes together, the sun glowing down on him. I was tempted to go off track and proposition him numerous times. A whole damn day of longing and foreplay. And now, I just don’t know what I want. Well, I know I want him. But I don’t know how to dothis.What will people think? I guess me asking for the end of the season to give him an answer will also give me a few months to work out what the fuck is going on in my head.
We exit the highway and reach a small town as Javi pulled up to the front of a burger place. It’s the place we have been getting food from the last few days. The staff greet Javi warmly and come around the counter to shake his hand. We place our orders, and some continue to chat with him while others cook our meals. A few other patrons following in behind us greet Javi, some asking for photos. He graciously takes photos, chats, and returns questions with the fans. I watch him, in awe of his humbleness.
We are given our food and we put it in the backpack I am carrying, waving goodbyes while they offer us to come back anytime.
“Now I know why you liked getting burgers from there,” I tease as I strap my helmet on.
“I need to get my praises where I can,” he replies with an eyebrow raise through his helmet.
Mounting the bike again, the food warms my back while Javi warms my front. We ride for a short time until we reach a lookout.
Javi gets off the bike after me and says, “Wait ‘til you see this view.” As he moves out of my line of sight, the view takes my breath away. I remove my helmet to see better.
It is a large valley that has stacks of mountains, ridges, and mountain faces. The colours are multitudes of browns and greens, deep and fading shades. No bother trying to count, there are so many.
“Wow,” is all I can come up with.
Javi steps next to me, looking out and agrees, “Yup. Amazing, right?”
He extends a hand. “Hand me your helmet, I’ll put it here.” He motions to a bench near the bike then sits down next to them.
We eat and talk about the beautiful view in front of us, marvelling at the colours temporarily stained across the sky during the sunset. The bold oranges, reds, and pinks radiate, then fade away, leaving the black outlines of the top of the mountains before it becomes completely black.
There are lights scattered around the lookout area, and now they are the only light source, illuminating Javi’s face.
“Things seem to be going along really well! The testing with you has been fun and today was next level!” Javi exclaims.
“Yeah, it was really good. I’m so proud of this project. Ahead of schedule by so much, too. I wasn’t expecting it,” I reply, still not quite believing it.
“Today was pretty amazing. Felt like you had no pressure, nothing to focus on. You just let yourself go,” he perceptively points out.
“I guess you’re right. I was able to enjoy myself today. First time in a very long time,” I reply.
“I could see it all across your face.” He smiles.
It feels so comfortable sitting by him. His body close to mine, our legs gently touching. But he doesn’t push it. Doesn’t pressure me to give into a moment. Waiting for my direction.Did I want to make a move? We still have the second half of the season. I don’t want to ruin our fun or set him up for another round of my uncertainty.. But looking over at him, his hand resting so close to mine. I could reach over and hold his hand. He would look at me and raise his hand to my face. Run his thumb down my jaw, down to my bottom lip to run across it. And then it would be an easy slide into kissing him. Over. And over. Reaching over to his suit, zipping down the length of his torso and effortlessly coaxing out his…
“Should we head back? Tomorrow will be busy getting the last day on track done then back on the road to the track and winning this championship,” he says with a confident grin, like he knows what I am thinking about.
Kind of glad my thoughts were distracted, I respond, “Sure.”
We get up, put the rubbish back in the backpack, and climb back onto the bike. Enveloped in the darkness of the highway, I wrap my arms back around Javi as he rests a hand on top of mine.
23
Javi
It’s our last morning, and I am up early and ready to hit the dirt. I am so pumped. I can’t explain my sudden energy level.
Sophia and I had been working on the motocross project on the off-weekends and the start of the season break, and it was such bliss. We were alone, so we could disburse kissing, touching, and being close without anyone looking on. I have to acknowledge that it’ll be hard not to fall into this rhythm when the team are back in the pits with us. I guess that’s why I realise Sophia is right about trying to keep our distance with each other for the last of the break. I don’t want to stay away from her like that, but I will for her.
