Yer bum's oot the windae'—literally 'your bottom is out the window.'Used to indicate someone is talking complete nonsense or has lost touch with reality.For example, 'If you think my grandson isn't devastated about Karina, yer bum's oot the windae.'"
I choke on air."Fiona!"
"What?"She looks innocently pleased with herself."It's generating excellent engagement.And bringing Scottish culture to a wider audience."
"You're using your grandson's personal crisis for content."
"I'm creating a narrative.”She twirls a hand in the air.“One that might help salvage both his reputation and yours, if you're paying attention."
I narrow my eyes suspiciously."What do you mean?"
"I mean that public sentiment is shifting."She navigates to another screen showing analytics."The #BeyondYourLabel movement has prompted significant discussion about credential gatekeeping.Meanwhile, my followers are quite invested in your reconciliation—they've even started a hashtag of their own.#MendTheKilt."
"That doesn't make any sense," I point out."Kilts don't break."
"Metaphors don't have to be logical to be effective.”She nudges my shoulder as if I don’t have the sense that God gave me.“Point is, there's an opportunity here.For both of you."
I shake my head, overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all."Even if that were true—and I'm not saying it is—Callum would never forgive me.You know how he feels about trust."
"I know how he thinks…he feels about trust.”Fiona’s hands fold together."Which is not the same thing at all."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She sighs, suddenly looking every one of her eighty-eight years."It means that Callum equates trust with perfection.He believes people are either entirely trustworthy or entirely not—with no room for growth, forgiveness, or the messy reality of being human."
This assessment is so accurate it stings."He has his reasons."
"Yes, he does.Reasons he's never fully shared with you."She fixes me with a pointed look."Just as you had reasons for your own deceptions that you never fully shared with him.Until you're both willing to be truly vulnerable—not just physically, but emotionally—you'll continue to miss each other entirely."
I stare at her.”That's...surprisingly insightful."
"I'm old, not stupid," she says, an echo of my mother's frequent refrain that makes me smile."Age has few advantages, but clarity is one of them."
My phone buzzes with a notification—an email from Abernathy Corp HR confirming my official termination meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning.
The reminder of reality crashes through our strange conversation.
"None of this matters anyway," I say, showing her the email."I'm being fired tomorrow.Whatever connection Callum and I might have had is irreparably damaged."
"Only if you both allow it to be," Fiona replies, standing with surprising grace for a woman her age."The question is whether either of you is brave enough to risk being truly seen."
She gathers her purse, then pauses, eyes fixing on my face.“You know, in Scotland we have a saying: 'Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye.'"
"And what does that mean?"
"What's meant to be will find its way to you."She pats my cheek."But that doesn't mean you get to hide in your mother's dining room waiting for it to arrive."
As she heads toward the door, she turns back with a mischievous grin."Oh, and tell your mother I expect her at my place for tea next Tuesday.Dr.Finnegan is welcome too, of course.I've been dying to compare notes on our respective grandchildren."
The door closes behind her, leaving me alone with my coffee, my confusion, and the dawning realization that I've been outmaneuvered by an octogenarian Instagram influencer.
My phone buzzes again—this time with a notification that Fiona has tagged me in a new post.
A candid photo of me looking stunned at the dining table, captioned:"Having tea with the future.#MendTheKilt #BeyondYourLabel #GrannyKnowsBest"
I stare at the screen as the likes accumulate in real-time.
From the garden, I hear my mother's delighted laughter, followed by her voice calling out: "Karina!Did you know you are trending again?Dr.Finnegan just texted!"
