“Oh, that’s why you introduced them to your little boy toy? To provide ‘stability’?”
“You are not the victim here!”
“Maybe not, but I deserved to know that was happening.”
“Fine, I apologize for not being more courteous regarding extramarital partners. At least when I fucked someone on camera it was unintentional.”
“Of course it was! You were too busy barreling into a relationship on national television to notice, because apparently that’s the only way you know how to cope with trauma.”
“Fuck you!” I had him pressed against the wall now, his breath hot and stale on my face, dry sweat chalky on his skin. I don’t know who got hard first.
“Well, congrats on finding your sex drive,” Barnes whispered bitterly. “That kid must have really improved his blow jobs.”
I couldn’t hit him, but no one could stop me from spitting right in his face. The saliva landed thick across his lips, and then his mouth was on mine, teeth crashing against my gums. He was on his knees before I knew it, pulling out my cock and forcing it so deep in his mouth he gagged. I exhaled, unsure if this was reality, my hands instinctively shoving the back of his skull into me. It wasn’t evenfamiliar; we’d never handled each other this roughly. Barnes furiously jacked off while he choked on my dick, his forehead digging into my abdomen. He grunted as he came, the sight of itproof that this was actually happening. I pushed him off me before I could cum, as if that might somehow render invalid everything that had just transpired, staggering away only to ejaculate into my hand.
My paper-dry throat constricted in the silence as I feebly rinsed off at the laundry room sink. What would a judge say? If I’d bounce from man to man on national television, what debaucheries would I commit off camera? What environment was that for two children who already faced a lifetime dodging their parents’ legacy of sex tapes and scandal? How could I fail my kids so horribly, even ten thousand miles away?
“Are you okay?” Barnes panted behind me.
Ignoring him, I morosely pulled up my jeans and unlocked the door to greet a theater in the hallway, cameras at every angle. Shawn trembled inches from me, eyes bloodshot and stunned, a dumbfounded Troy hovering behind him. Mercifully, Imogen forced past to grab my wrist, a mother tiger retrieving the wayward cub. She proceeded to barricade us within her bedroom, where we stood in silence, neither knowing where to begin.
“At first I thought you were beating the shit out of him,” she eventually said. “If it makes you feel better, I slept with my ex-husband the day before we signed our divorce papers.”
I slouched into the cheap leather armchair haunting the corner, convinced everything I’d done to show who I truly was—to Imogen, to the world, to myself—had been destroyed in a single night. “I can’t believe I lost it like that. Still, nothing you haven’t seen before…”
“Luke, it wasn’t like Alaska.” Imogen knelt in front of me. “No comparison.”
A knock interrupted us. “Can I come in?” Shawn’s voice quivered behind the door.
“Is he kidding?” Imogen asked, but I flung open the door nonetheless.
Shawn looked like he’d lost ten pounds over the last ten minutes, face gaunt, nose runny. Erika and Melange lingered a few feet away, watching helplessly. “I… I was going to tell you,” he finally stammered.
“When exactly were you going to do that?”
“When we were home. Off camera.” He sniffled, pitifully trying to stand straighter.
“Sure, after I’d boosted your profile on the show, you’d ‘tell me’ via a TMZ exclusive.”
He fervently shook his head. “Luke, you would have quit the show if I’d said anything. Why do you think I stopped our kiss that first time and said I was celibate?”
I exhaled heavily, resisting the shame. “So being celibate was a crock of shit too?”
“No, I promise I’ve been way more cautious about sex… I guess I just hoped making an official buffer out of it would guarantee I protected you fromthis.”
“Or you just needed me to save your ass, so you played me.”
“That was never… The last thing I expected was us having a connection. I was so confused, especially after you tried so hard to save me at that Trial. All of a sudden, I was falling for you, and telling you would have derailed everything you were here fighting for.”
“Let’s say that’s true. Why not tell me the second Barnes arrived?”
“I didn’t think he recognized me!” Shawn protested. “I asked if he remembered meeting me in LA… He said no. Helied, or… Luke, I barely remember that night.”
“But you remember fucking him?”
“Yes, I remember the bathroom…” he said softly, as if each word came with a little stab.
“And of course you knew who he was, that he was married to me,” I pressed, to which he managed a guilty nod. “Did you say you were a big fan? After all, you’ve seen every episode.”
