“I ruined his life. I drove—”
She leaned forward, gripping my hand. “You didn’t drive him to anything. Did you pour all his drinks every night? Did you lead him to that balcony? Yes, you outed him, and that was obviously awful, but Arjun put you through hell. Even he admitted it.”
“He talked about that night in Alaska?” I somehow managed to ask.
“Not to me,” she said quietly. “When he got home, he told my parents he’d led you on. He called it a mistake, an experiment, said it wasn’t your fault. He swore it would never happen again, then moved back to London two weeks later… I barely saw him after that.”
So he hadn’t told the truth, everything the cameras hadn’t caught.“Erika, there’s—”
“Luke, I remember when you came to our house.”
“What?”
“Neither of you was looking for a kid listening behind the patio door.” Her voice trembled, as if she needed to confess something as much as I did. “I wanted to say something to him after, but I didn’t know how. Sometimes I still wonder what if I had.”
“You were so young. You don’t know how scared he was…”
Her eyes flashed the first hint of anger I’d seen. “I know exactly how scared he was. Of our parents, their expectations… After he died, I swore I wouldn’t be like him, inventing some fictional version of myself for a TV show. Brave people don’t lie like that—or make the people they love do it for them,” she said. “When I finally told my parents about… being Erika? It was hard, but theygot there. Arjun never gave them that opportunity. Or me.”
“Please don’t be so hard on him,” I replied, barely audible. “He adored you so much, and he’d be so proud of you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Still protecting him,” she sighed. “Honestly, you probably knew my brother better than any of us. It’s all over the Season 1 footage. With you, he just bursts to life.”
I considered my words, knowing the dangerous place they might lead. Would it hurt even more if I told her the whole truth? “Erika, I don’t know if that’s right, but that first summer he made me happier than I’d ever been in my life up until then. Truly.”
“Why do you think I spent high school with those DVDs on repeat? Watching you all in the Caymans is the best memory I never lived. The day I turned eighteen, I battled to get onEndeavor. Took a while withGone Bollywoodoff the air, but I needed to experience this. My parents thought I was doing it to feel closer to Arjun, but crazy as it sounds, this genuinely fills something inside me separate from that.”
“I heard your folks ended the show. After he died.”
She nodded. “My whole childhood, the world lived in our house, likewe were everyone’s dolls. Now we’re actually ourselves, even if we lost a lot to become those people. My parents have grown so much since you met them.”
“I’m glad,” I replied, though I had a hard time imagining that.
“Well,I’mglad we finally got some time alone off camera.” She smiled. “Now, can we stop tiptoeing around each other and trust nobody’s going to have a nervous breakdown?”
“Deal,” I replied, feebly hoping I was protecting her as much as myself by not revealing more of what happened with Arjun. If she wanted to believe there was some shred of grace still clinging to that cruel history, wasn’t it kinder to let her? And if I did all I could to help her now, might I somehow make amends for how I’d hurt her brother? “Erika, out of curiosity, how do you feel about the phrase ‘totally doomed’?”
She cocked her head, amused. “Are you about to threaten me with a good time?”
Erika and I stayed until sunrise reconstructing Bosch’s masterwork, sometimes talking, sometimes not. By the end, a handful of pieces remained missing, nowhere to be found, taunting holes in the wicked absinthe hills. The puzzle would never be finished, though it’s possible it was never meant to be.
21
2015
SEASON 20, EPISODE 4:
“Come Hell… and High Water”
Fire danced across the Tuscan hillside as PB and I hit the mat. Zara granted permission from the golf cart trailing us, cuing Solana to clumsily lower her torch, igniting our latest woodpile. The other Devils began feeding the flames with the nearby hay bales as Melange squinted at the burgeoning flames. “This is straight-up barbarian nonsense.”
We’d arrived at sunset for Ecklund to debut the “Highway to Hell” Tribulation, where the winners would receive a cryptic “advantage.” Each team would run a five-mile course through the dark countryside bearing a single torch. Every half mile, we’d stoke a fire until the flames burnt through a rope seven feet above, tied taut between two columns that framed the fire. When each rope snapped, it would release a ten-pound burlap sack containing sharp mystery contents. One guess who’d become the Devils’ pack mule, loaded with all the sacks we’d secured thus far. My back was not happy.
Shawn sprinted in with the Angels’ torch, hollering for them to hurry. His comrades trudged up, a heaving Fortune in the rear and Troy’s cameracrew trailing in another cart. This entire Tribulation we’d been in the lead… which was exactly what we didn’t want.
The Devils needed to lose tonight. My new alliance of PB, Melange, Erika, and Shawn had all agreed. With a women’s Trial next, we knew both teams would likely vote Erika thanks to Greta’s politicking. No one doubted Erika could beat any Devil girl, but we had to protect Melange. PB suggested throwing the Tribulation so the Angels won, allowing Erika to volunteer for the Trial and then request her opponent. Imogen would naturally back her, making the other Angels look like assholes if they didn’t agree. Ideally, she’d eliminate Chrissy, which made Melange absolutely giddy. More importantly, it would strike a major blow against Hartt’s alliance—but only if the Devils lost.
We hustled another half mile to the final pyre, and I almost ran smack into Aspen when I rounded the corner… Spotlights shot heavenward in the distance, and I stifled my gasp. The Arena was dead ahead.
