“I don’t want him to adopt me.”
“Dude, that’s fair. That’s totally fair.” Ichabod shook his head, and Ellis could see the tears shining in his eyes. “He’s not your dad. And I don’t think he wants to be your dad. I think he wants to be a good friend, someone you can count on. I would never, ever, ever ask you to let someone else adopt you.”
Zane stepped closer, and Ichabod stood, embracing his son. “Cool ‘cause you were enough. Like for real. I have this crazy artist adopted dad.”
“You do. And you know what? I’m never going anywhere. I’m going to torture you. I’m going to be the crazy dad for the rest of your goddamn life.”
Zane nodded and pulled away from him. “Yay, all right. I hear their car. I’m gonna go. We’re cool?”
“Of course we’re cool.” Then Ichabod gave Zane a smile. “Have a good time, I’ll see you tonight. Home by midnight?”
“By midnight. If anything changes, like you know, I end up staying over with the guys, I’ll call and ask. Although I will let you know in plenty of time.”
“Sounds fair.”
As soon as the door closed, Ellis came out from the hallway, and Chrissy ran over to snuggle with her sister and watchFrosty. “What was that all about?”
He wasn’t sure how he felt because that was a little weird — to think that Ichabod was paying him. He hadn’t actually thought about it. The money just came and dumped into his checking account, but now…
Was he taking stuff away from the kids? Was this weird? It felt a little weird.
“He worries about stuff. I wouldn’t stress it if I were you. He has to think about it.”
Ellis didn’t follow. “About what?”
Ichabod motioned toward the kitchen with his chin. “His only experience with stepchildren or parents ended up being he got adopted by me, right? He didn’t have an experiencewhere Chris and I were actually dating and it was a normal situation.”
“So, what is a ‘normal situation’ here?” He was fascinated to know.
“Well, I mean, for instance, you and I are dating. We’re living together. At some point, we might decide to legalize our relationship. We might decide not to, but we know if we decided to get married, then you would be his stepfather. But Iadoptedthe boys. Both of them. Zane can absolutely remember meeting me the first time, remember me asking him if he’d let me be his dad. Michael doesn’t — any more than Chrissy will remember meeting you for the very first time. It’s not a thing. But Zane worries.” Ichabod leaned back against the kitchen counter, watching him. “In his life experience, stepfathers are adopting fathers. And he’s a teenager. He doesn’t want to be adopted again. I have no idea where Michael is in the situation. Hell, I have no idea where you are in the situation.” Ichabod grinned at him and shrugged. “In other words, that was a lot of words to say that he had questions, and I had answers.”
Well, that was all fine and good, except that Ellis didn’t feel as if he had the answers.
And he wanted to feel like he had answers.
“So basically he wanted to know if we were getting married?” he tried.
Ichabod shrugged for him. “He wanted to know what his place was in our relationship. What relationship he could expect to have with you. What exactly is going on? Where you fit in the grand scheme of parentage. That’s all.”
“It doesn’t feel like anall, Ichabod. I’m not feeling like that’s an all in the least bit. I’m feeling like it’s a really, really big deal.”
“All right, we can talk about it. Have a seat.” He wasn’t sure how Ichabod could be so calm.
“So does it not feel weird to you?”
“To be asked unexpected questions by my children? Don’t forget I’ve been dealing with my son and his questions for a long damn time. And the fact is, he gets nervous. He worries.” Ichabod sat across from him, and Ellis wasn’t sure what to do. “Michael worries less. His life is easier right now. The things he wants out of it are simpler. And he has had less loss because he’s that much younger. Zane feels as if he’s lost a lot and found a lot, and he wants to make sure where he is right now is stable. That you and I are stable.”
“Are we stable?” Ellis asked. He’d thought they were but then it was weird to have Ichabod talk about him and not being ready for marriage so calmly. It made him feel unsure.
Ichabod leaned in and kissed him right on the lips. Not a sexy kiss; this was a kiss between adults.
“We are stable,” Ichabod told him. “You are one of the most amazing men I’ve ever known, and you are one of two men that I’ve ever been in love with. I told Zane the truth. We’re not ready to be married—marriage with children is a very complicated thing—and I’d like to live together for a while before we talk about that sort of thing. That said, I am as happy with you as I have ever been in my whole life, and I’m here, and I’m listening. It’s your turn to talk now.”
He was seriously considering pinching Ichabod. Not hard. Just a little bit. Just enough to make him feel like he was back on solid ground.
“You know I’m not much for talking, Ichabod.” He sighed, rolling his head on his neck. “I thought we were at a certain place. I mean, I wasn’t going to pop the question and give you a ring for Christmas or anything, but I guess I can see where you want to make sure everything is where it’s supposed to be before we jump into something. You have the kids.”
“I like the place we’re at, Ellis.” Ichabod reached across thetable and grabbed his hand. “I really do. But you’re right. The kids have to come first. You know that.”
