Eventually.
There were still too many factors to consider before they took that next step. For one thing, she and Daniel had started going out only a couple of weeks ago. When it came to pleasure, she fully endorsed the idea that a woman should choose when, with whom, and which way she wanted to receive it. But as for her personal dating life, Samiah preferred to take things slow. She didn’t have a standard timetable—at least not anymore—but she had to be sure about a person before she allowed things to get physical.
At the very least she and Daniel should wait until after they were done with the Leyland Group project, just in case Owen Caldwell decided to sneak a no-fraternizing rule in the employee handbook while she wasn’t looking.
Yes, she should wait. Waiting was the proper thing to do—the smart thing.
Samiah still wasn’t entirely convinced her reasoning held much water, but it was the only rationalization she’d managed to come up with that explained why they were on this sofa instead of in her bed, burning off the calories from breakfast in the most naked, sweatiest way possible.
She tore her focus away from the sight of the subtly defined muscles undulating underneath his T-shirt as he kneaded her soles, bringing her attention back to the laptop resting on her thighs. She’d spent an hour collaborating with Daniel on the best solution to address the Leyland Group’s security vulnerabilities, but then Samiah had switched to working on Just Friends. She’d made a commitment to herself to get this app done, and she was no longer willing to compromise.
She’d been struggling with this latest design issue for days now. For some reason, whenever she tried to toggle between users, it would lock up on her.
Samiah growled.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, his forehead furrowing beneath the rim of his eyeglass frames. She’d learned about the glasses only when he’d lost a contact during their hike in Bastrop last weekend. She’d asked him to keep wearing them because Daniel Collins in glasses was the sexiest fucking thing she’d ever seen in her life. He rubbed her foot. “You hit a roadblock?”
“Just a speed bump.” At least when she compared it to the other headaches waiting for her. “It’s driving me crazy because this was supposed to be the easy part.”
She picked up the sticky-note pad and began to jot down thoughts.
“Uh-oh,” Daniel said. “I know things are getting serious when you break out the Post-its.”
“Ha ha.” This wasn’t the first time he’d teased her about her obsessive use of sticky notes. “I told you, using the different color Post-its helps to organize my thoughts when I brainstorm. I’ve been trying to make the transition from one user to another smoother, but it’s just not happening. I can’t figure out why it keeps timing out.”
He glided his hand higher up her leg and looped it around to cup her calf. Giving the muscle a gentle squeeze, he said, “You do realize that no investor will expect this to be perfect straight out of the gate, don’t you? It’s a prototype. You’re allowed to have glitches.”
“No, I’m not.” She shook her head. “I can’t half-ass this. Ithasto be perfect.”
“No it—”
“Yes, it does!” The words came out sharper than she’d intended. “Shit.”
She took a moment to regain her composure, then reached over and cupped his jaw, bearing the familiar burden of having to offer comfort when she was the one who wanted to be comforted right now.
“Look, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but you haven’t been in my shoes, Daniel. Do you have any idea how steep the hill I have to climb is just to get people in this industry to take me seriously? So many write me off the minute I walk into a room, or when they learn that the S in SBrooks at Trendsetters dot-com stands for Samiah and not Samantha or Sarah or some other ‘nonethnic’ name. I’m not a perfectionist because I want to be one, it’s because Ihaveto be one.”
He studied her face for several long moments before softly whispering, “I get it.”
It suddenly occurred to her how insensitive it was to think that he, as a biracial man, couldn’t understand where she was coming from.
“I’m sorry,” Samiah said. “Of course you get it. I’m sure you’ve had your share of similar experiences.”
“No, don’t apologize. I have had my own experiences, but I won’t even try to compare them to what you’ve endured.” He shook his head. “They’re not the same. People don’t doubt my abilities. If anything, they expect me to be better than I really am—as if the half-Asian dudemustbe a genius when it comes to computers—which I guess is the flip side of the same coin.” He took her hand and placed a gentle kiss in the center of her palm. “It’s different for you. You have to be twice as good to get half as far.”
Her eyes fell shut, her throat thickening with a swift wave of emotion. Relief overwhelmed her; having her feelings validated brought unexpected solace to her battered soul.
“Yes,” she choked out on a whisper. “That’s exactly it.” She opened her eyes to find Daniel’s beautiful face filled with understanding. “Thank you for acknowledging it.”
Samiah sucked in a deep breath, then released it. It was difficult to grasp just how freeing it felt to tell her truth without fear of being branded a complainer or excuse-maker or any of the other labels people slapped on her when she tried to explain the pressure she’d been under to perform.
“Back when I was in high school, I tested out of all my regular classes and was placed in AP ones,” she started, her voice raspy. She took a moment to swallow down the emotion that still overwhelmed her. “No matter how hard I worked, it was never good enough. While my other classmates were praised, teachers asked me why I didn’t do this, or how could I miss that, or wouldn’t it have been better if I’d done it this way instead of that way?
“I’ve had to deal with those questions my entire life, Daniel. But I discovered that if I don’t give them the chance to ask them—if I do whatever I can to make it perfect on the first try—then I’ve taken away their power. They can’t doubt my abilities if I don’t give them that chance.”
His eyes roamed her face. “I wish I knew how to fix it.”
Desperate to lighten the mood, she pinched his cheek. “Well, you are a genius and all…”
