“Because it makes it so easy to fall for you,” she said. She opened her eyes and met his perplexed stare. “And I’m afraid of falling, Caleb.”
You already have!
Leah mentally batted away that voice as she disengaged from his hold and swam to the pool’s rocky ledge. She lifted herself up and sat on a piece of flat limestone, leaving her feet to dangle in the water. Caleb followed, but instead of getting out of the water, he folded his arms on a piece of rock that jutted out just over the water and looked up at her.
“Am I supposed to be satisfied with your answer?” he asked
“No,” Leah said. She folded her hands in her lap. “I’m going to share something that I rarely talk about.”
“Is this something I’m going to regret hearing?” Caleb asked, unease evident in his voice.
“It’s not anything horrific,” she said. She nervously ran her hands through her wet hair. “I was a late bloomer.”
Caleb’s forehead creased. “That’s it?”
“Here me out,” she said. “I didn’t have a serious boyfriend until my senior year of high school, and when I say ‘serious’ I mean a guy that took me out on an actual date. I didn’t lose my virginity until my third year of college. I had friends who slept around, and that was perfectly fine for them, but I made a personal choice not to do it. When I sleep with someone, there’s a lot attached to it. And when I really fall for someone, I fall hard.”
“That still doesn’t explain why falling for a guy like me—aniceguy—would scare you.”
“Don’t you get it? It’s not you, it’s me.” Leah slapped her forehead. “I can’t believe I just said that.” She looked down at Caleb. “You have my permission to hate me right now.”
“Hating you has never been an option,” he said. “I’m just trying to understand.”
“My track record sucks, okay? It’s me because I absolutely suck at this.” Her shoulders slumped with her admission. “Derrick wasn’t the first fiancé to break up with me. I was engaged before. About five years ago. That one cheated on me.”
Caleb let out a low curse. “Damn, Leah, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” she said. “If I’d married Joshua it would have been a disaster. I’m beginning to feel the same way about Derrick. It felt as if I was blindsided when he came over Thursday night and told me he wanted to break things off, but honestly, I wasn’t blindsided at all. I recognized that we weren’t right for each other a long time ago, but it just felt as if I was in too deep to do anything about it. Like, if I ended the relationship, it would be admitting that I’d failed yet again at finding love.”
She searched his face, imploring him to understand. “That’s why it scares me to even think about jumping headfirst into something new. No matter how right this feels, I just can’t trust my own instincts right now.
Several moments ticked by before Caleb finally spoke. “Are you planning to write all men off forever?” he asked.
“Of course not,” she said.
“Then there’s nothing else to talk about. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”
Leah just stared at him for a moment, too floored to speak.
God, how could he be this sweet?
Quietly, she asked, “What if I’m not ready for a long time?”
“I’ve got a long time.”
That made her grin. “I haven’t specified what a long time is yet.”
“I don’t care. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready, however long that may be.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. “I waited for you while you were engaged to another man. What makes you think I’ll stop waiting now that I know it’s a real possibility that you can be mine?”
Yes, he really was this sweet.
“It won’t be too long,” she said. “I don’t think I can wait much longer.”
Caleb’s lips spread into a smile. “Good. Because even though Icanwait, I’d rather not.”
Leah slipped off the rock and back into the water. She swam up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“You do realize this is new territory for me, don’t you? I’m not used to being with someone as patient as you are.”
