His question threw her. It wasn’t what she’d been expecting. And she wasn’t sure how to answer.
Actually, shedidknow the answer, but it made her uncomfortable to voice it out loud.
What strong, independent woman would be okay with admitting that so much of what she’d done was dictated by others? That most of the life choices she’d made—about her career, her schooling, even the way she wore her hair—had been made with her family’s approval in mind, and not necessarily because it was whatshewanted?
Familial pressure was a son of a bitch.
“It’s just not something a girl like me is supposed to do,” Leah finally answered.
“A girl like you?”
She released a sigh. She didn’t want to talk about this. Shenevertalked about this. She’d quietly shouldered this burden for years. It was an uncomfortable aspect of her life that she’d always resented, but she had no idea how to change it.
“You’d have to understand how I grew up,” Leah said.
“I think I already know.”
“Really?” She sat up in bed, turning on the bedside lamp. “What do you think you know?”
Caleb levered himself up on an elbow. He dwarfed the small couch.
He ticked the list off on his fingers. “Boarding school, old money, skiing trips up in the mountains for winter break.”
“Wrong, wrong, and wrong. I happen to be a proud product of the Newark public school system,” Leah informed him, unable to conceal her smug grin at seeing how his eyes widened in shock. “And while my family does have money, it isn’t old. In fact, it stems from a hot comb in my mom’s kitchen.”
“No kidding,” he said.
When Caleb sat up, the sheet covering his chest fell to his waist. It took Leah a moment to remember exactly what they were talking about.
Oh, yeah. Her family.
“My mother was a hairdresser,” she continued. “She started out doing hair in the kitchen because she couldn’t afford to rent space. She eventually grew the business into a legitimate beauty salon, which eventually became a chain of beauty salons throughout South Jersey.”
“That’s pretty awesome.”
“It is,” Leah said, feeling a burst of pride. “She put my dad through dental school. He now has a practice with several locations and over fifty dentists.”
“Whoa. So you come from some seriousnewmoney,” Caleb said.
“I won’t deny that my family is well-off, but my parents worked hard for it. You’ll never catch me complaining about my upbringing. I was given every opportunity to become a success. But, there’s a downside.” She grimaced. “I feel horrible even saying that.”
“What do you see as the downside?” His voice had dropped a shade, as if he sensed that this wasn’t easy and was afraid speaking too loudly would hurt her in some way. Leah was struck by his thoughtfulness.
“Downside is probably not the right word,” she said. “It’s just that there is a certain standard I’m expected to uphold. The thought of disappointing my parents in anyway is one of my biggest fears, which is why I haven’t really embraced my more adventurous side.”
“What does zip-lining have to do with disappointing your parents?”
“It’s not just the zip-lining. It’s everything,” she said. “It’s important that I behave a certain way, attain a certain level of success, marry the right man.”
“And Derrick is the right man?
“Was,” she said. “To people like my parents, Derrick was perfect. That’s why I was willing to marry him, even though I wasn’t head over heels in love with him.”Even though she used to suffer panic attacks just thinking about marrying him.“Derrick was good enough. It didn’t seem like a big sacrifice to make.”
“Not a big sacrifice? You were planning to spend the rest of your life with him,” Caleb said. “You deserve more than just good enough, Leah.”
She swallowed past the lump that had suddenly wedged itself in her throat.
“You want to know something else?” Caleb asked. “I think it’s bullshit that you feel that you can’t live your life the way you want to. It’syourlife. Forget about what other people think and do whatever you need to do to make you happy. If that’s zip-lining, then go zip-lining.”
