I had to resist biting my nails as the door swung open and she walked in with more concern on her face.
"Hi, Ember, I got the preliminaries for your blood work back, and you're right. That home test you did was accurate. You’re pregnant, and based on your HCG levels, you're likely around ten to twelve weeks."
She sank onto the stool at the foot of the exam table and I sucked in a cleansing breath.
I figured about as much, which put me almost at the end of the first trimester.
It was a good thing I had a little extra weight on my body to begin with or I'd have been showing by now.
It made my cheeks burn just as she looked up away from the chart to meet my gaze.
"Are you under stress?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in concern. "A lot of times, I see working mothers who carry a lot of burden in early pregnancy, and that amount of stress causes them to lose weight instead of gain. It's harder to eat right, they sleep less, and let's not forget the role cortisol plays. You're a smart lady. I don’t have to remind you that stress hormones can affect an unborn baby's brain development…"
I felt chastised by her for my life habits, but she was absolutely right. "Uh, stress doesn't begin to cover what I'm feeling." I let my head droop.
With everything going on, I didn’t think I'd slept a full night of sleep in two weeks. "Work is rough," I started, but when I realized what a chaotic mess the rest of my life was, I left it at that. I had no interest in hashing out every last minute of my day to day with someone else who might judge me.
"Well, if there is a way to consider backing off on the responsibilities you have or transitioning to a partial work from home situation, I would recommend it."
She flipped through a few screens on the tablet she held and sighed. "I've gone ahead and had our pharmacy put together a nutrition plan and some vitamins for you. They'll be at the counter when you pay."
When she put the tablet under her armpit and crossed her arms over her chest, I knew I was in for more of a lecture. "And I don’t like to prescribe antinausea meds so much, especially tomoms who are struggling the way you are, but I've called in a prescription. Let's really work on resting well and eating better for the next week. Then I want to see you back here in a week's time so we can get another weight check on you. Would that be okay?"
I wasn't sure if this was the place I'd land for my full prenatal care and delivery, but I needed a place to start for sure.
As I slid off the table, I nodded and reached out to shake her hand.
"Thank you," I mumbled, collecting my purse and coat from the chair beside the door, and then I paid and booked it out of there before someone I knew walked in and put two and two together.
But during my Uber drive home, I started to really wrestle with things—working so hard for Nate, the Hearthkeeper duties consuming my personal time, and the gossip that made it hard to stay positive about anything.
That doctor was right—being so stressed out couldn't be good for a growing baby, and I had no idea how I'd make rent without a job, but I had to do something.
I was starting to think telling Nate I couldn't work for him anymore would be a good thing.
At least then it would pull some of the heat off him.
There were just a few weeks left of Hearthkeeper duties, and after that, I'd be able to relax more.
He might be willing to give me a good word somewhere else, or maybe even help me out a little financially while I switched jobs. But the massive stress would vanish instantly.
The idea became so appealing to me that instead of going home, I had the Uber driver take me right to the hospital where I intended to catch Nate between meetings and have a talk with him about it.
He wouldn’t like it, but he was a smart man, and he said he wanted this baby.
As a doctor, he'd understand the wisdom in it.
Every rationalization I thought up as I headed for the elevator only confirmed to me that this was the right thing.
And every step closer to the office I got only solidified in my head that I would be fine—better than fine.
I walked right into the office and set my purse on my desk, breezing past it to walk straight to Nate's door.
When I opened it, I expected to see it empty since I knew he had a meeting with a pharmaceuticals rep out of Ohio, but instead, his mother was seated in a chair by the window staring out at the flurry of snowflakes collecting on elevated surfaces.
She looked up as I entered and I froze mid-stride.
"Oh, Ember, come, come!" She gestured, waving me closer.
