All of this was really getting to her and the fear of what my mother might say had pushed her to the brink.
"I'm so sorry," I said through the door, wishing more than ever that I could take all of this back and help her feel better.
I swore to myself right then and there that I would make this right if it was the last thing I did.
19
EMBER
"You don't have to do this," Nate said for the third time in twenty minutes. "I can handle the interview alone. Tell them you're feeling under the weather and go home."
When the local public broadcasting studio called to set up an impromptu segment for Nate to discuss the Lightkeeper's role with the Christmas toy drive and a few other aspects of his title, I knew he would love it.
I also knew I would hate it, because it would mean I had to stand beside him while television cameras were pointed at me, but it was a good thing and would definitely put some light on the entire situation.
"I'm not backing out." I shoved the antacids back into my purse.
I'd been eating them like candy to keep the nausea away, but Nate thought, once again, that it was nerves. "The station specifically requested both of us. I'm not giving them ammunition to say I'm unreliable."
"No one would think that," he said gently, but I refrained from letting him take my hand in such a public place.
Everything about this place was logged by cameras, including the tiny green room where we were waiting for our turn to go to the stage for taping.
"Everyone would think that." I leaned back against the threadbare sofa and closed my eyes. "They already think I'm trying to sleep my way to the top. If I bail on a scheduled interview, it just confirms their assumptions that I'm not serious about this."
Nate was quiet for a while, fiddling with his cufflinks but not saying much more.
There wasn't really anything left to say.
I was doing what I thought was the right thing even though it was challenging me to my core, and I was hoping it turned out for the best.
Besides, this was a homegrown, wholesome news spotlight, not a gossip blog.
It wasn't like they were going to ask directly whether we were having an affair.
A production assistant appeared in the doorway and gestured for us to follow.
He led us down another hallway to a small studio with two chairs positioned in front of a backdrop featuring the station's logo.
Bright lights lit up the space, making everything feel too bright and harsh.
I blinked against the glare and took my seat beside Nate, grateful when someone clipped a microphone to my collar and gave me a distraction from my roiling stomach.
The interviewer was a woman in her forties with perfectly styled dark hair and a warm smile that seemed genuine.
She introduced herself and walked us through the format while crew members adjusted cameras and checked audio levels.
The whole process felt surreal, as though I were watching myself from outside my body.
Six months ago, I'd never have agreed to something like this, but recent events forced me to dig deep to actually want to defend myself.
Attending this interview was my brave step toward defying the gossip and having my own back rather than deserting myself like I had in the past.
"We'll start with some general questions about the Lightkeeper tradition," she explained. "Then we'll move into specifics about the toy drive and other charity initiatives. The whole segment should run about twelve minutes. Of course, when it airs, it will last around twenty, because they'll add in the commercial breaks. Just relax and be yourselves."
Relax—like that was possible when my body felt ready to betray me at any moment.
The interview began smoothly enough.
