Me: My makeup?
Qhev K: Yeah. Your look is hot. Think I could pull it off? {Recording Attached: Qhev K}
A short video of a pinkish purple-hued daernir with long silver hair and no shirt popped up. He zoomed in on his dark, beautiful eyes. Don’t you hate it when men have naturally thick, beautiful lashes you’d have to buy at the store? He was one of those. He winked, and the video ended.
Me: Hell yes.
Qhev K: My translator says Hell is a bad place, but “Hell yes” is a good phrase.
Me: That’s correct.
Me: Can I send links? Hold on.
Me: [Outsourced Recording Attached: AmberJade]
Me: That’s the video that taught me how to do the look.
Qhev K: Babe, you’re my hero. You been on here long?
Me: First day.
Qhev K: No shit? What is it you say? You squished your fruit?
Me: Popped my cherry?
Qhev K: Yeah, that’s it. How’s it going then? Engaged yet?
Me: I’ve had several offers, but I’m holding out for the right one.
Qhev K: Not holding out for the credits? ;)
I squirmed on my couch, feeling guilty. I hadn’t expected to be called out on my bullshit so soon.
Qhev K: It’s cool, babe. Plenty of these males just want a pretty girl to notice they exist for a few minutes. You’re making their day just saying hello. Worth every credit.
Me: Yeah? This is eighteen messages so far. Is that expensive? Oh my god, I wasted your money sending you makeup tutorials. I’m so sorry. Can I pay you back?
Qhev K: Worth it. It wasn’t a line. I want the look. And it’s not cheap, but I’m one of the males who wants a pretty hello every now and then. Don’t judge. Females here are few and very distracted by too many suitors.
Me: That sounds pretty depressing on both sides. I couldn’t imagine having this many men approach me in a month, much less a day. And I did notice some of the loneliness.
Qhev K: Yeah, don’t feel bad if you’re not making love confessions. Just enjoy it, Babe. Hit me up again soon, please?
Me: I will.
Qhev K: I’ll let you know how the eyes turn out.
It wasn’t a love match, but it kind of felt like I’d made a friend, and that was unexpected. I did feel a little better about the money side of things, though, after what he said. I’d already been passing over the proposals and mostly responding to more casual messages, and that felt like the way to go. No one else messaged back as quickly or as often as Qhev, but I figured that made sense. I didn’t know the currency conversion rate, but just that one conversation netted me two hundred and fifty dollars. With the handful of other messages I’d exchanged, I was already good for groceries and car insurance. Now, if I could just cover my rent by talking to lonely alien men. I sent Andrew a screenshot of my payout so far, and a text that said, “Best advice ever. Thanks, Andy.” He texted back a GIF of a gulping catfish.
I took a breather, taking a shower to clear my head. I figured a little self-care was in order, so I put on a pineapple enzyme face mask that I was always tempted to taste; it smelled so good. I settled back on the couch with a disapproving Mr. Darcy and began painting my toenails a shimmery shade of lavender that reminded me of Qhev K’s skin tone. As my toes dried, propped up on the coffee table, I scrolled through the various messages I’d missed while I showered. More proposals, of course. I had to wonder how often those worked to get girls talking. It seemed kind of scammy to me. Like, maybe they were the ones catfishing. But they were spending good money to do it, so maybe not. There were a few messages I bookmarked to consider responding to later, but I was getting tired and didn’t feel likeengaging much more for the night. I was about to click out of the app and charge my phone when a new message popped up and caught my eye.
Yiri Ahlon: You’re the first woman I’ve messaged on here, but I think you’re my future wife, Aneah.
Aneahwas underlined with a footnote translation. “A very personal Eissoi endearment for a female mate.”
Me: I bet you say that to all the girls.
Yiri Ahlon: You’ll have to trust me, but you’re the first.
