A drop of ice cream on the floor or on her leggings was a small casualty compared to the torture of touching her. Infinitesimal compared to the torture of what happened next—Daisy’s tongue collided with my finger, both sent to do the same job. And it was like gunpowder to a flame.
Was it not enough for me to be married to the woman of my dreams?
I yanked my hand back with such force I was surprised my entire body didn’t ricochet with it.
“Sorry,” she stammered, grabbing a napkin and wiping her whole mouth. It had to be the white of the paper that made her cheeks look redder. “You should have some before I eat the whole thing.”
I too wiped my finger clean as I said, “It’s all yours if you want it.”
“I do,” she paused and swallowed. “But I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.” My eyes snapped to hers, the blue in them looking clear enough to fall into.
Was she talking about more than the ice cream? Daisy pushed the carton in my direction. No, of course not.
“Plus, I’m sure your sister wants you to try it too,” she added when I reluctantly took the container and dug my spoon into the pale purple treat.
“Yeah.” I took a big mouthful, welcoming the freeze on my brain.
More like she wanted to give me one more reason to be around Daisy, and that was the problem. My family knew but ignored—some better than others—my…obsession with my best friend’s girlfriend-turned-fiancée. It was fine whenfriendswere all that we were. When there was a propriety in not crossing the line and stating the obvious. But that line was gone. Todd was gone. And now Daisy and I were married.
That was why I didn’t want her with me when I told my family. I doubted they’d be so bold as to say something, but there’d be no hiding their concern for the condition of my heart and the jeopardy I’d put it in. All for the sake of helping her. For being a friend.For being a gentleman.
I looked up and caught Daisy staring down at her engagement ring, spinning it around her finger.
The blows kept coming.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping she attributed the crackling of my voice to the cold.
Her head leveled, pain tightening her features. “Please don’t pity me, Max. I can accept anything from you but that.”
I handed her the ice cream carton, knowing I should have kept silent. Or changed the subject. Anything but what I did.
“I don’t pity you, Daze. I just mean I’m sorry that I’m not Todd,” I said, not in the dramaticI’m-not-as-good-as-himway,but in thehe-should-be-your-husband-because-that-was-the-planway.
Her hand stilled, a spoonful of ice cream on its way to her mouth. Her clear blue eyes now cut like glass. “Don’t ever be sorry for that.”
My jaw clenched, and I went to the sink. “Just let me be sorry,” I begged, flipping on the faucet and washing my hands so they’d stop themselves from reaching for her. “You should be married to him, and you’re not, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry because this isn’t what you wanted. You wanted him.”The father of your baby.
After several seconds steeped only with the sound of rushing water, I set the last plate on the rack to dry and looked at Daisy. She was staring into the ice cream like it had frozen her from the inside out. I turned off the sink and gripped the edge of the counter, cursing myself for saying anything at all.
“Daze…” Her eyes slowly lifted, their surface watery.Shit.“Daisy?—”
“I didn’t want Todd,” she said, and I swore those four words punctured every lobe in my lungs. “I didn’t want to be with him. Not anymore. Things weren’t good between us, Max. You know…had to have known. I was trying. In some ways, I know he was trying, but it just wasn’t enough against what his parents wanted.” She let out a bitter laugh, her eyes closing and severing the first curtain of tears. They fell right into the blueberry ice cream, adding a whole new shade ofblueto the container.
I tightened my hold on the sink, refusing to reach out and touch her.
“I used to think I was this independent person, that because of my mom, I’d never put myself in a position to rely on someone else. But somehow, I did. When I realized about the baby, protecting her was the only thing I could think. Giving her a family was the only thing I wanted.”
My knuckles were so white I was surprised I wasn’t cracking the base of the sink. I wanted to tell her that wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. That she was doing what any good mother would do. But I knew she didn’t want to hear that now.
“I cared enough about Todd to make myself think it would be better—that a baby would make things better, even after he responded like he did. Even after he continued to pull farther and farther away…” Her eyes closed again, sending another shower of tears dripping down her cheeks and an injection of ice into my veins. Dangerous, frigid guilt. “It just didn’t make sense. He’d insist he wanted to get married. You know how he could be, sweet in that lost puppy dog kind of way. He’d hug me and promise me he wanted to get married, buy me gifts, or bring me flowers, and then a few days later, he’d drink and disappear into himself or somewhere else.” She paused and swallowed. “It was like being in a boat floating near the shore. He’d pull me closer and closer only for a current to come in and rip me back out to sea.”
I fought to keep my breathing steady. To not let my expression betray my emotions.
I was responsible for this. For telling him what flowers and gifts to get. I was the one instructing Todd on what to do and say, how to make amends for the things he kept fucking up because his spiraling kept worsening. I was the one who kept him afloat from underneath the surface because I believed Daisy wanted him. And to hear that she didn’t…that I’d only prolonged this inevitable failure…
Air hissed from the pressure-locked chamber in my chest. Todd had royally fucked this up on his own, but to explain his actions…I couldn’t tell her that. If I did, I’d have to confess my own role in them, and for that, I wasn’t sure Daisy would ever forgive me.
“I’m sorry, Max. I know he’s your friend. I shouldn’t be telling you?—”
