“Granny, no!” Derrick gasped. “Come back here!”
“Goddammit, Granny!” Ozzie groaned loudly, turning around to chase after her.
Greg let out another roar, the Christmas tree rattling and a few ornaments falling off.
“Hey!” Granny raised the club over her head. “What’s ten minus six?”
Greg was so startled by the question that he laughed. “Excuse me? Are you lowly little Earth things so stupid that you can’t complete simple mathematical equations? Please, obviously, the answer is?—”
“Fore!” Granny screamed, swinging the club down and wailing on Greg’s face repeatedly.
Ozzie’s immediate reaction was laughter.
Followed by terror.
Because his tiny grandmother was beating an intergalactic asshole with a golf club.
Yes, she seemed to be holding her own, but still.
“Derrick! Catch!” Ozzie tossed the silver ball to Derrick and then ran to join Granny in beating Greg with his candy cane. “You motherfucker! You’ll fucking pay for this, I swear! Yippie-ki-yay,bitch!”
“That’s fromDie Hard!” Tuesday shouted from outside. “Love that one!”
“Ow, stop! Quit it!” Greg hissed. “That’s really annoying.” He swung out with his many arms, taking a few swipes at Ozzie and Granny. “I would really love to just blow up your planet and be on my way!”
A pink tsunami of glittering slime suddenly engulfed Greg and squeezed around him, forcing all of his arms down against his sides. It was Tuesday, and he snarled angrily, “Stop… hurting... my friends!”
Derrick grabbed a dessert plate of neglected fruitcake and hurled it at Greg. “Yeah! Fuck off, Greg!”
Ozzie cheered as the plate shattered against Greg’s face. “Nice fucking shot!” He looked up at Tuesday’s glittery mass, asking, “Tuesday! What do we do?”
Tuesday shuddered, clearly struggling to keep Greg at bay. “Fruitcake! We need the fucking fruitcake!”
“Strawberry, apple, or classic?” Granny screamed as she continued to slam her golf club into Greg’s face with impressive ferocity.
“Tartaric acid! That’s it!” Ozzie stared at the fruitcake that had bounced back behind him and Granny. “Derrick! Throw the cake!”
Derrick scrambled over to pick up the fruitcake, grunting as he hurled it at Greg.
It landed short beside Granny’s feet.
Granny took a step back and got into position, lowering the club to swing.
Tuesday twisted himself tighter and tighter, and then he jabbed a glittery tentacle into Greg’s eye.
Greg howled frantically, his jaws opening wide as he cried out in pain.
Tuesday screamed. “Now!”
Granny swung, driving the chunk of fruitcake right down Greg’s open maw.
Greg sputtered and gagged, coughing as he spat out a few chunks. “What is this...? It’s... Ugh, it’s awful!”
“Yeah!” Ozzie punched the air as he ran to grab as much fruitcake as his hands could hold. He hurried back, cradling the horrible mushy cakes against his chest. “Granny!”
“Come on, boy!” Granny shoved her gold club into Greg’s jaws to prop his mouth open. “Shovel it in there!”
Ozzie shoved an entire fruitcake inside Greg’s mouth and then another, and he tried not to gag from the damp fruity smell. They were going to run out of baked weaponry and fast, and so far, it only seemed to piss Greg off.
