He didn’t want to think about how this would be another damn holiday season he would be celebrating alone?—
Bzzzzt.
The odd sound drew Ozzie out of his depressive bubble, and he dropped the wash cloth to look around. It reminded him of the buzz of a fluorescent light flickering, but he didn’t have any of that kind of light in here.
And then there was the smell.
Like ozone, crisp and strange as if lightning had struck somewhere.
The air crackled, flashed, and a giant something landed in Ozzie’s lap, splashing water across the floor.
Slime.
Hot-pink slime that shimmered as if it was packed full of iridescent glitter. It was a giant ball of slime, bigger than even Ozzie himself, and strange tentacle-like protrusions wiggled all around as the blob tried to brace itself against the edge of the tub and the shower wall.
“Whoa.” The blobspoke. “Groovy.”
“What the actual ever-loving fuck?” Oswald was stunned, staring at the blob in shock and horror. He couldn’t move, his brain frozen as he tried to make sense of this impossible thing on top of him or the suddenly overpowering scent of something sweet like cotton candy.
It was gross.
Weird.
Ozzie tried to push the blob off, but his fingers just slipped right through the slime.
“Hey, hey! Watch where you’re putting those fingers!” The blob yelped. Its voice was sultry and masculine with an odd accent Ozzie couldn’t immediately place “Do all Earth guys jump straight to second base? Sheesh!”
“Second base…? What the…?” Ozzie gritted his teeth, the sweet aroma making them ache. “Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Why is the bath bomb talking to me? The bath bomb cannot be talking to me.”
“Bath bomb?” The blob scoffed. “What kinda bath bombs are you using that look like me?”
“What the fuck?” Ozzie flailed. “What is happening? What are you? Who’s talking? Get out!”
“Oh my God! Calm your tits, gorgeous.” The slime slid off Ozzie and onto the bathroom floor with a wetplop. “Sorry, I got a little lost trying to navigate the whole inter-dimensional what’s-it-called. Didn’t mean to crash youryou time.”
“Oh, fucking hell, I must have slipped and hit my head.” Ozzie nodded. “Or someone drugged the pizza. Someone didsomething. There was no way a giant pink blob just showed up and started talking to me.” He grabbed the edge of the tub and scrambled to pull himself to his feet. “What the fuck, what the fuck?—”
“Hey, hey! Careful! You’re gonna slip!” The blob rose up, suddenly tall and slim as his mass stretched out to create a towering figure. He reached out for Ozzie with his long glittery tentacles and tried to help steady him. “Take some deep breaths, big fella. You’re all right, I promise!”
“Fuck!” Ozzie tried to back away and promptly slipped. He grabbed the towel rack for stability, but it popped right off the wall.
The blob caught Ozzie in his tentacles, grumbling, “Oh, Christ on a damn pogo stick, what is your problem? Do you need a Xanax? You Earth people got that here, right?”
“Uh.” Ozzie was surprised how effortlessly the blob was able to hold him in spite of his large size, and he gulped. “I am clearly higher than I thought. Wait. No. I haven’t smoked. Maybe I’m not high enough.”
“Oh. Hmm.” The top of the blob tilted downward, as if surveying its blobiness.
“Also. Wait.” Ozzie squirmed. “I’m sorry, did you say intergalactical something or other?”
“Look, I am too fucking sober for this. One sec.” The blob wiggled. “Lemme change into somethin’ morecomfortable.” Once the blob seemed certain Ozzie wasn’t going to fall over, he took a step back to give himself some space.
The slime turned opaque and took on a male human form. He was tall but lithe, his hair a mop of hot-pink curls, and his smile absolutely dazzling. His skin was fair with a pinkish tint, his eyes bright pink with a red iris, and wow...
He was beautiful.
Really fucking beautiful, actually.
He was also very much naked, and it was impossible to ignore—wait, why did he havefourarms?
