“Mom will go overboard and end up crying because she says no one appreciates her. Dad will just sort of stand there and drink. Uncle Robert will also drink. Granny will laugh and make Mom cry harder…”
Ozzie grimaced.
Derrick wasn’t wrong.
While Ozzie loved his family, celebrating holidays with them was overwhelming. What Derrick was joking about wasn’t actually that far off from reality, and Ozzie always experienced a particular sense of dread thinking about heading over to his parents’ house for what was sure to be another guaranteed shit show.
“So.” Derrick paused to slurp his soda. “You’re still comin’, right?”
“And miss Mom telling us all we don’t love her? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Ozzie unwrapped his sandwich. “I’m gonna make those baked beans again. The ones Dad ate a whole pot of last year.”
“Nice. My girlfriend is gonna make her deviled eggs. And yes, before you ask, she’s gonna go ahead and make at least double what she did last year.”
“I hope half of those are just for me to bring home.” Ozzie grinned, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you get hooked up.” Derrick chuckled. “So, uh, you got any plans for your solstice thing?”
“Yeah!” Ozzie smiled warmly. “I’m gonna do a little ritual here at the house. Light some candles, eat some food, and I even made a Yule log. It’s gonna be great.”
“What do you do with a Yule log?” Derrick blinked. “Is that like… a euphemism for something?”
“No!” Ozzie snorted out a laugh. “I mean, for light returning. But nothing sexual. It’s the shortest day of the year and the longest night, so it’s a celebration of light. It’s a time of reflection, waiting for the light to come back. Ancient pagans would burn giant logs to keep the party going for days and days. Some modern witches burn a small one, just light a candle, or there’s even a Yule log cake?—”
“So, there’s fire?”
“Oh yeah, there’s fire.” Ozzie grinned, pausing to finish off his sandwich. “Lots of fire. You’re welcome to come by and check it out. I’m gonna have a little bonfire out back, actually.”
“All right. Cool.” Derrick smirked. “Can you burn Granny’s fruitcake? That thing’ll probably burn up real nice.”
“The solstice is before Christmas and uh, pretty sure that would be nothing but a giant flaming lump of melted fruit mush. Fuckin’ gross.” Ozzie laughed. “Maybe she’ll get senile and forget to make it this year.”
“No such luck. Other than her lack of emoji knowledge, that woman is sharp as ever.” Derrick grimaced. “She’s already talking about bringing it to the damn party. And not just one,buttwokinds. Two! How are we supposed to maketwoof those things disappear, huh? Not even the damn dog will eat it.”
“Two? Why? What other flavors could there possibly be?”
“Suck and extra suck.”
“Maybe, we can uh…” Ozzie hummed. “Donate them to the homeless? Could feed a village with one.”
“Pretty sure that’s like, inhumane or something. There’s laws against that.”
“Can we call someone? Lawyer?” Ozzie laughed. “Isn’t there something about it in the Geneva Convention?” He couldn’t stop cackling, bringing a hand up to his mouth to keep from spitting out chip crumbs.
“If there’s not, there should be!” Derrick grinned.
“I’ll start a petition.”
“Damn.” Derrick snickered a bit and then sighed. “So! How’s work?”
Ozzie groaned, his laughter fading. “There’s a fucking mandatory Christmas party. Everybody has to go.” He picked at the remnants of his sandwich. “In person. With other people.”
“Oh, fucking lame. Why?”
“My boss is a sadist?” Ozzie guessed. “I have no idea.”
Derrick gasped. “Oh hey, you want one of my ties? I got a Rudolph one and his nose is a little LED! It lights up!”
“Fucking hell.” Ozzie slapped a palm to his face and let out a groan. “I really hate to say yes, but it’s probably the best bet. I want to blend in.”
