“Thanks. That’s really sweet.” Ozzie laughed, the grip of his nerves easing off. He took the bong back from Tuesday, but he didn’t move to light it. “Is it safe for me to get your germs?”
“Germs?” Tuesday gasped. “Are you fucking serious right now? What, do you think I have space germs or something?”
“Yeah! Maybe? I’ve seen the movies. We do stuff, exchange DNA, and next thing I know I get a little alien baby popping outta my chest!”
“Ew, no.” Tuesday wrinkled his nose. “We can exchange DNA and the only thing popping out of you should be loads of hot come.”
“That’s, uh… great.” Ozzie was certain that his face was so hot now his skin would melt and fall right off. “Jesus Christ.”
Tuesday ran his very, very long tongue—way too long to be human—over his top lip. “Nope, not my name, but you can scream whatever you want later.
Ozzie coughed, choking on his own spit, and he shoved the bong at Tuesday. “I… don’t even know what to say to that.”
“You can say no, yes, or buy me dinner first.” Tuesday struck a little pose, cocking out his hip and winking sweetly. “If I’m bothering you, all you gotta do is tell me to stop, baby.”
“Okay, well, I…” Ozzie stared.
Tuesday really was the most gorgeous blob, alien, person, whatever Ozzie had ever laid eyes on.
And for whatever reason, he seemed to like Ozzie.
Maybe aliens had bad vision.
Ozzie waited for Tuesday to finish lighting up and pass the bong back over before replying, “Maybe we can discuss dinner.” He paused to hit the bong again. “Later. Much later.”
“All right, Ozzie.” Tuesday beamed as if he’d won something. “So, speaking of dinner… and other than you, whatcha got around here that’s good to eat?”
“Oh God, you say the craziest shit.”
“What?” Tuesday tilted his head to give Ozzie an appraising glance. “You’re really cute. Are you single and ready to mingle? And by mingle, I mean fuck?”
Ozzie was going to die.
This was the end. He was going to be killed by utter shock and embarrassment.
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” Ozzie squeaked, his tone much higher than normal. “I’m single, not really into a lot of fucking.”
“Huh. All right.” Tuesday spotted the Tupperware on the counter. “Ooo! What are these?”
“My grandma’s cookies.”
“Oh, I love cookies.” Tuesday popped open the lid and immediately shoved a handful of snickerdoodle cookies into his mouth. “Mmm, these are good.”
Ozzie watched in a mix of horrified awe as Tuesday promptly devoured a dozen cookies in mere seconds. “Uh… Help yourself.”
Tuesday tilted his head at Ozzie. “So. What’s your deal, baby? Ace? Aro? Demi?”
“Why do you ask so many questions?” Ozzie countered. “What’s your deal?”
“What?” Tuesday asked through a mouth full of cookie. “I can’t be curious about my handsome host?”
“You’re way prettier than me, first of all.”
“Aw, see! You are smart,” Tuesday teased. “Come on. Ask anything you want! I’m an open book, baby.”
“Okay.” Ozzie snagged a cookie before Tuesday could eat them all. “Where are you from?”
“I’m from a little galaxy, far, far away that you human types haven’t discovered yet. I won’t bother telling you the name, but let’s just say it’s called the Fun Galaxy, okay?” Tuesday ruffled Ozzie’s hair.
