Even now that his father had been freed and justice had been served, the nightmares of his mother’s death remained. He was still troubled by the mafia murders he’d witnessed last year and now further compounded by Mr. Waugh’s death, Jimmy wondered if he would ever be able to sleep again.
Cold didn’t seem surprised to see Jimmy awake when he came to find him, asking softly, “Bad dreams?”
“Yes.” Jimmy hated how broken and desperate for comfort he sounded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. After watching Mr. Waugh today... all that blood, it made me think of my mom, and now I can’t stop seeing it. I’m a little kid all over again, watching her die, and fuck, I’m sorry, I’m such a mess.”
“There’s no need to be sorry.” Cold pulled Jimmy against his chest and wound his arms around his waist. “I’m here.”
Jimmy curled into Cold’s embrace, clutching the fabric of his shirt and gasping for air he didn’t realize he suddenly needed. He wasn’t sure when he had started crying but he couldn’t stop, struggling to keep himself from hyperventilating.
Cold didn’t let go. He held Jimmy tightly, wordlessly pressing soft kisses into his hair and rubbing his back. He let Jimmy cry all he wanted to, unaffected by the tears and snot.
Jimmy became self-conscious before too long, whimpering as he turned his head away to try to wipe off his face. “Fuck,” he gasped. “This is so stupid! I just can’t, I can’t stop fucking crying.”
“You miss her,” Cold said knowingly. “The pain of her loss is still with you. It’s a good thing.”
“How the hell is it a good thing?” Jimmy demanded indignantly.
“Shows how much you loved her that it still affects you so,” Cold said gently, kissing Jimmy’s cheek. “Love and grief are often inseparable.”
“I don’t want it to hurt anymore,” Jimmy sighed sadly, wiping at his face again. “I just... I just miss her so much, and I’m so freakin’ tired of crying.”
“It will always hurt because you will always love her,” Cold soothed.
“Do you ever miss your mom?” Jimmy sniffled softly.
“In a sense, yes,” Cold replied hesitantly, his eyes briefly darting to the ceiling. “I mourn the relationship we never got to have. Be thankful for the time you did get to spend with your mother. Treasure the memories you have with her. Some of us were not lucky enough to receive such a gift.”
“I’m sorry,” Jimmy said earnestly. “Now I just sound like a freakin’ brat or something, don’t I?”
“Not at all,” Cold insisted. “My mother died bringing me into this world. Your mother was taken from you, quite horrifically. What you saw today was terrible, too. That trauma will always be with you. I’m merely trying to help you find a more positive perspective about your mother’s passing.”
“And the dreams?” Jimmy asked wearily.
“The dreams never go away,” Cold said, a slight edge to his voice. “You learn to live with them.”
Jimmy curled his arms around Cold’s neck to comfort him. He knew his gorgeous gangster had his own very traumatic past and was speaking from decades of experience. He was surprised to find Cold’s hips slowly rocking in time with his, and Jimmy laughed in spite of his tears, asking incredulously, “You dance?”
“Yes,” Cold said, clearly amused that Jimmy seemed so surprised. “I have many talents you’ve yet to discover.”
Jimmy giggled as Cold turned him around, grabbing his hand as they spun before pulling him back into his arms. He squeezed Cold’s fingers, resting his arm across his shoulders. “Mmm, I guess you were planning to surprise me at our wedding?”
“I’d thought about it, yes.” Cold led him across the floor, their fingers laced tightly together and his other hand at the small of Jimmy’s back, guiding him to the steady beat.
That firm pressure at his spine took Jimmy’s breath away, and he was surprised by how intoxicating it was for Cold to hold him this way. His feet were clumsy, but it was easy to follow Cold’s strong lead as they moved together. He let Cold take charge, and he wasn’t able to take his eyes away from his beautiful face for a second.
He had forgotten about his nightmare and the pain of his mother’s loss. He was totally swept up in Cold’s embrace, not able to remember the last time he had danced like this with anyone. He leaned his head against Cold’s chest, hugging him tight.
Cold kept them on beat, turning them in slow circles, his hands now fanning out across Jimmy’s back. The song rolled on into the next, and still Cold continued to dance with him. He didn’t try any more slick moves, content to hold Jimmy and rock him gently as Roberta Flack sang on.
By the time ‘I’m the Girl’ was starting, Jimmy’s eyes were feeling heavy again. There was something so warm and comforting in being held this way, and all of his troubles slowly oozed out of his body through his feet as Cold danced with him.
Every step made his soul lighter, and he smiled softly as he leaned up for a sweet kiss. The last of his misery was sucked away with a brief lick of Cold’s tongue against the inside of his cheek. He moaned softly. His body longed for sleep, but there were a few sensual sparks firing off deep in his gray matter.
“Rod,” he murmured, fussing softly as he struggled to make a decision for his next course of action. He craved sleep now, but he couldn’t imagine denying Cold.
Cold’s icy eyes searched Jimmy’s face thoughtfully, considering something for a long moment. “Let’s go to bed,” he said at last, kissing Jimmy’s hair and hugging him tight.
“Like, go to bed? Orgo to bed?” Jimmy mused with a quirk of his brows.
