“Much,” Jimmy replied with a dopey grin. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Thank you for letting me.” Cold got Jimmy’s underwear and jeans back up, urging him to sit down in his lap. “I know a thing or two about dealing with trauma, Jimmy.”
Jimmy hesitated, but he was dying to hear more.
As long as they had been together, Cold rarely discussed his past. Jimmy knew where a few of his many scars came from, none of them good, but Cold had never shared much of the details.
“That’s why... that’s why you like to be in control?” Jimmy asked carefully. “Right?”
Sliding a hand up into Jimmy’s hair, Cold replied quietly, “Yes. I’m able to keep my emotions in check with strict self-discipline, but it took years to develop. I wasn’t always... Cold.”
“Kinda hard to imagine,” Jimmy said with a breathless laugh.
“I was once scared and foolish, made mistakes.” Cold paused. “Mistakes that I’m paying for now, mind you. I finally learned to rein in my feelings, and I put myself in a position where I could control who touched me and when and how they did. That was especially important to me.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever learn to control my feelings,” Jimmy sighed bitterly. “It’s like... I feel everything, all the time, and it’s multiplied by a thousand. It just, it just swallows me up until I can’t breathe.”
“Jimmy,” Cold soothed, caressing his cheek, “anyone who is not sympathetic to your experiences and expects you to be an unfeeling machine can get fucked.”
Jimmy snorted, laughing unexpectedly. He rarely heard Cold curse like that, and the sentiment made him smile. “Get fucked, huh?”
“Repeatedly,” Cold confirmed with a smirk.
“You always know just what to say,” Jimmy chuckled. He leaned forward to rest his head on Cold’s shoulder, curling into his chest with a long sigh.
Cold wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back in little circles. “I would never expect you to shut down your emotions. No two people will ever handle their pain in the same manner. In a way, I’m envious of you.”
“Of me?” Jimmy lifted up his head. “Why?”
“Because of your ability to feel so deeply,” Cold replied. “There are moments that I wish I could still access those emotions...” He leaned in to softly kiss Jimmy’s lips. “It’s part of why I love you so much. When we’re together, I get to experience those emotions again. Through you. With you. The things you make me feel... oh, Jimmy. It’s priceless.”
“I love you,” Jimmy whispered. He was so touched, and he didn’t have any other response.
Cold only smiled and kissed Jimmy’s cheek.
Jimmy settled back down against his chest, and he closed his eyes. Cold kept rubbing his back and seemed content to hold him, though he did turn on the television.
Cold turned down the volume and eventually urged Jimmy to stretch back across the couch with his head in his lap.
Jimmy went willingly, murmuring happily when Cold began to pet his hair. He was almost asleep when Cold’s phone beeped inside his jacket pocket. He lifted up his head to watch Cold’s narrowed eyes scanning a text message. “Mm. What is it?”
“Christine is calling for a motion to dismiss all charges against me tomorrow,” Cold explained smugly. “Blalock has confirmed that he will not fight.”
“You’re not worried he might try to screw you over?”
“No,” Cold chuckled. “No, I’m not.”
“And Champignon and the feds?”
“They’ll be too busy cleaning up their own mess to bother with me,” Cold said. “Champignon will fight the charges, but the evidence is too great. He will most likely be forced to resign.”
“And then that’s it?” Jimmy felt a flicker of excitement. “The charges are dropped, and you’re free? Just like that?”
“Just like that.” Cold absently reached down to adjust his sock around his ankle monitor.
Jimmy tried to suppress a snicker and failed.
Scowling, Cold tugged at Jimmy’s hair.
