“Sure!” Ephraim effortlessly lifted Amy over his shoulder and carried her to the bedroom.
She squealed helplessly while Athaliah cheerfully chirped, “Hey, Amy! Nice to meet you! That giant
hemorrhoid is Ephraim. Ephraim, this is Amy. No hard feelings or anything, but I hope you get eaten
by that vampire!”
“Vampire?” Amy whimpered. She whined as Ephraim cuffed her to the bed, staring stupidly at
Athaliah. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”
“Sorry, Amy,” Lorenzo sighed. “We have to go help Frankie. Just stay put, okay?”
“I’ll explain everything,” Athaliah said, nodding his head. “See, Frankie is a vampire—”
“Athaliah!” Snod snapped.
“A vampire?” Amy scoffed.
“What?” Athaliah blinked innocently. “She deserves to know! Right, so, Frankie is a vampire, and he
got kidnapped by his vampire ex-boyfriend who pretty much murdered the entire cult I used to be in
with Obie and Ephraim. Now they’re gonna go rescue Frankie and slay his nasty ex.”
Amy looked very concerned, asking quietly, “Is this some kind of mass psychosis?”
“Love you, Amy,” Lorenzo said, patting her leg, “but we gotta roll!”
“It was very nice meeting you,” Ephraim mumbled shyly, and Snod swore he saw his old friend blush.
“Uhm,” Amy squeaked, “nice meeting you, too?”
Snod and Ephraim led the charge toward the door, Snod snapping, “Let’s fucking go, for fuck’s sake!
If anyone else is on the other side of that door, just punch them.”
“Bye, boys!” Athaliah sang out. “Have fun hunting the vampire!”
“Did you just make a Miracle Max joke?” Lorenzo gasped adoringly. “Oh, my God! Athaliah! I love
—”
“Bye-bye time!” Rees grunted, shoving Lorenzo through the doorway. “Mushy shit later!”
“But I might freakin’ die!” Lorenzo whined in protest.
“See? Now you’ve got a great reason to live!” Rees barked.
They finally left, Ephraim and Snod following Lorenzo and Rees over to the lab. They waited in their
cars while Lorenzo ran inside to get the serum. He reappeared carrying a giant briefcase, quickly
rejoining them. Ephraim led next, driving over to an abandoned gas station on the outskirts of town
where he said he had a weapons cache stashed.
It was a small arsenal packed with dozens of silver-tipped stakes and silver-coated knives, several
