Why not? It already felt like I was. My bones felt as if they would disintegrate to dust, and my head . . . by the old gods, my head pounded as if it would explode at any moment.
“Hold on!” the caterpillar yelled.
I screamed as pressure so intense enveloped my skull until it threatened to crack open, and then . . .
A dam burst, and memories flooded me, threatening to overwhelm me.
My mother, heavy with child—Elise—explaining to me that soon I would be a big sister.
The day I met my baby sister, and the way her full head of dark hair glistened in the light shining down upon the castle gardens.
The first time my father thought me mature enough to join him on his rounds through the city.
Henri knocking on my bedroom door, asking if I wanted to play.
Me, Henri, and Elise, running through the castle hallways, our laughter making servants smile.
A flag bearing a white rose on a field of teal, waving high above the castle.
A scream wrenched up my throat as, one by one, more memories tumbled out of me. Some were darker, and only now, through the eyes of an adult, would I have noticed the threatening current in them.
My aunt, the Red Queen, watching me and my mother during the feast, her eyes narrowed and hard.
My aunt whispering to some guards, and once, sneaking back into the castle under the veil of night.
I gritted my teeth as each beautiful and dark moment spun out of me.
The aether magic was unraveling, allowing the memories to come forth. The pain built, and I was sure that soon enough, when it had completely released, the most pain would consume me.
And while I was mentally preparing for it, I wasn’t ready when it hit me only seconds later.
The searing energy sliced through my body, cutting it in half as if it were an actual sword. I curled in on myself and squeezed my eyes shut, unable to take it.
“Kill me!” I yelled. But instead of a blade falling and slicing my neck to put my misery to an end, soft murmurs of assurance met my ears.
Hatter . . .
His words slowed my heart rate for a moment, before another hot bolt of pain cut through me. I cringed. “No! Kill me! End it!”
The caterpillar let out a maniacal laugh. “I told you it would hurt.”
My teeth gnashed together. The bastard was taking pleasure in this. He was happy that I had chosen this, that I was experiencing pain . . . but why? Even through the near madness the pain brought on, I could comprehend that the caterpillar didn’t seem like a sadist. Strange and haughty, yes. But crazy? No.
Is he getting something from this?
I forced my eyes to open, and glanced up.
The gleam in the caterpillar’s eyes, and the slight upturn of his lips answered my question. And though my limbs felt as if they were being ripped from my torso, I resolved not to take my eyes off him. The others were watching me, but I had to watchhim.
The unraveling continued, faster and faster and faster as the magic released. The tipping point was subtle but welcome, and finally, the pain began to decrease. Keeping my eyes open was no longer a struggle. My body didn’t need to be curled in. I sat up, and Hatter mumbled something encouraging.
But my attention wasn’t on him. I was still focused on the caterpillar, who looked all too pleased at this whole arrangement.
And then, suddenly, everything stopped, and a white ball of light burst from my heart.
My aether magic . . .
I released a sigh and watched as the aether burned brightly, hovering in the air before dissipating. It flowed back into me, filling me, making me whole once more.
