I squirm in my seat.Jesus.Just thinking about it gives me full-body tingles, and it makes me both nervous and excited to see him again tonight.
If he wants to tease, I can tease right back.
I glance around the table. My stomach flips in that guilty, don’t-want-to-get-caught kind of way. My thumbs move quickly as I type back.
Of course I remember. The term “coming home” took on a whole new meaning. And thank you for the reminder while I’m surrounded by friends. My panties are soaked now, thanks to you.
The message turns to read, and a text bubble pops up.
He’s typing.
And I hate to admit it, but I’m giddy waiting for it.
“Yo, Alley.” Coopers voice cuts through the air.
My head snaps up, a grin still plastered to my face.Shit.I’ve been completely checked out, and I have no idea for how long.
Sandy’s gone again. Vivian and Ryan are deep in conversation. Cooper stands up with a look that tells me I’m not as sly as I think I am. “Come with me for a sec,” she says, already walking past me.
I push up from my chair and follow her around the corner behind a water feature. She turns to face me, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
A slow smile spreads across her lips. “Something happened. You’ve been different all day. You seem… happy.”
My brows scrunch as I feign offense. “Wow. Should I be insulted that you think something must’ve happened just because I’m happy?” I ask, laughing.
She taps my elbow. “No! This is a good thing. I haven’t seen you this genuinely happy… like, ever, to be honest. You’ve got a whole different vibe about you.” She crosses her arms, waiting, then gasps as her jaw drops. “Oh my God. You had sex, didn’t you?”
I haven’t told Cooper or Vivian, or really anyone, much about Jensen being in town. Just that he’s here for me, supporting me. Leo and Adam dropped by the hospital one night while Jensenwas there, and since I’ve kind of turned Leo into my unofficial therapist, he knows a little. But even that’s been limited.
“No! I didn’t have sex.”I wish.God, I’m so touch-starved it’s pathetic. I practically came from Jensen’s text, just thinking about that day in the car.
Her brow arches higher. “Then what is it? Something’s different.”
I could lie. But I don’t want to. If there’s one thing I know about Cooper, it’s that she doesn’t judge.
I hesitate—then finally cave. “Fine. I kissed Jensen.”
Her eyes go wide, but before she can say anything, I rush on—because I’m not sure I want to hear her reaction yet. “And it was so good, Coop. Like,reallygood. But I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if I’m ready to give him another chance. All I know is… I loved kissing him. And I’ve loved spending time with him.” My smile fades. Moisture gathers behind my eyes as I cross my arms and bite my thumbnail. “And I’m scared.” I exhale sharply, shaking my head. “I can’t just forget all the shit he put me through, you know? I want to trust him, but I don’t. And it’s not fair. To either of us.”
She lifts a finger. “Okay, we’ll circle back to the kiss because—fuckyes, I am here for it—but first, let’s talk about this ball of anxiety you’ve become.”
I huff out a breath, half-laughing, half-defeated.Ball of anxiety.That’s exactly what I am.
“Look,” she says gently, “I’m not a therapist. But I’ve had to do a lot of work these last couple of years. Yoga, meditation, Buddhist teachings—the spiritual shit I used to roll my eyes at. I had to go inward. Make it aboutme. Myhealing.Myjourney. Because, while Brad made my life a living hell, it was never really about him.”
She takes a deep breath, like she’s bracing to give me a whole speech. “And here’s the thing—most of the time, it’s not reallyabout the other person. Sure, other people can fuck with our lives. That’s no joke. But it’s about us. Where we were. What we chose. Why we stayed.” Her expression softens as she adds, “What we can learn.”
I shift my weight, arms crossed tight—like that might somehow shield me from whatever she’s about to say.
“You’re trying to make sense of something that broke you.”
Her lips press into a tight line, thinking, before she continues. “But maybe it’s not about sense—it’s about power. You know when I stopped hating Brad? When I realized I wasn’t even mad at him anymore. I was mad atmyself—for staying. And the second I stopped seeing myself as the victim in my own story… I wasn’t one anymore.”
I blink rapidly, gaze dropping to the floor.God, I hate how much truth there is in her words.They sit in my stomach like a rock. I’ve always said I’d rather be in my shoes than Jensen’s. No one wants to be the addict. That’s a shit hand.
But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been throwing myself a pity party for months now.
She goes on. “You love him. He loves you. But more importantly? He treats you well. He’s showing up for you. He’s good—down to his bones.” She shakes her head. “I’m not saying stay or go. I’m saying choose. Because the second you stop living in limbo? That’s when you’ll feel peace again. And you’ll know, once you make a decision, if it’s the right path for you. I truly believe that. Energy shifts, and the universe works for us, if we allow it. If we trust it. Girl, forgive yourself. Move forward—in any direction. Just pick one. You deserve to be happy.”
