Plus, Lilah would practically cut a bitch who tried to stand between us, much less our collection. It’s a concrete reminder for both of us what we lost and how far we’ve come.
And that we will never let someone have control over us. Not in ways we don’t agree to, that is.
Lilah glanced at me. “Interesting fashion choice.”
“If he can’t handle me at my Flintstone-iest, he doesn’t deserve access to the cooter.”
Lilah burst out laughing, so hard she had to lean over the counter for support while I innocently sipped my hot tea.
“Goddamn you,” she finally said, still snorting, as she returned to her prep work.
“If he’s so great why don’tyougo out with him?”
She shrugged. “He’s not bad-looking but there’s something about him I suspect would conflict with my personality.”
“And he won’t with mine?”
Another shrug. “You know how some guys are put off by the gun and body armor and handcuffs, if they aren’t the ones wielding them.”
“And the fact that you don’t suffer fools lightly?”
“Well, there is that.” She glanced at me. “I mean a guy who isn’t immediately put on edge by me being… well,me.”
“And, again,whyshould that fillmewith any kind of hope about him?”
“I mean, you know how you still have to put some male doctors in their place when you hear them being snotty to residents or female nurses?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not saying he’s like that, but I’m saying I get that kind of vibe from him about me being a female law enforcement officer. Not rude, but like he’s not used to it.” She paused. “Jeezus, I’m really fucking this up, aren’t I?”
I sipped my tea, not answering.
“Look,” she said, “he’s cute, he’s not a serial killer as far as I can tell, and he’s been out here for six years or so.”
“How do you know that?”
Her cheeks pinkened a little. “I might have talked to Rosie at dispatch about him. He’s not a manwhore, either, from what she’s heard.”
“Well, it’s great he’s got the Rosie seal of approval then,” I snarked. “A woman with three divorces to her name and who just filed for the fourth last week is anobviouschoice in matchmakers. I thought we’d agreed you wouldn’t do anything beyond the basic checks for registered sex offenders and outstanding warrants?”
“I didn’t! I just happened to… mention him to her when I stopped by the station on my way home.”
I glared at her.
“Yes, I know, but if nothing else, maybe he’ll be a good Joe rebound, right?”
“Right,” I muttered into my cup. Honestly, it took my emotional legs out from under me and struck a knock-out-worthy blow to my self-confidence that I’d missed red flags before the other night. Then again, maybe Joe just did a great job hiding them until he thought he had me hooked. I’d read that was a common tactic for some guys.
If it hadn’t been for that, I’d still be dating him, definitely nowhere even close to telling himI love you, much less wanting to tie myself to him with a marriage certificate. Sure he was good in the sack and knew not only where my clitoris was but also what it was used for, and I thought we’d shared several interests.
But look how wrong I’d been.
“Seriously,” Lilah said, “no pressure. Just enjoy dinner. We all saw some shit, and if nothing else it’s a de-stressor. Okay?”
“Sure,” I said, but still not getting my hopes up.
Jack
