“I understand.” It was a struggle to get the words out, but I hid my disappointment behind a mask. “I’ll make the arrangements.”
He looked to me, waiting.
“Was there something else?” I asked.
Frustration flashed across his features. “Yes, there is. I told you I’d never kiss a married woman, Olivia. Ibelievedthat about myself.”
I didn’t want to care, but a sliver of relief worked through me thathedid. His iciness was more deeply rooted than he’d let on. I’d take his anger over his apathy, even though I was doing my best to come off indifferent as well. “How is that my fault?” I asked. “You’ve been pursuing me since the moment we met.”
“But not because I was interested in having an affair. I’m not.”
“What then?” I asked, curling my fingers against the surface of the desk. “You came onto me at the ballet, and then at Lucy’s apartment, then almost kissed me on the rooftop. Then youdidkiss me. You can’t stand there and blame this on me.”
He snorted. “It’s not your fault, Olivia. I told you I wouldn’t cross that line, and I did. I take full responsibility, but the truth is . . .” His expression turned pained. “I’veneverbeen unable to trust myself. And I can’t with you.”
I knew the feeling, and yet, I couldn’t dismiss the evidence against David. Not just what I’d heard, but what I’d seen moments ago on my computer screen. There was no way inhellhe’d not been presented with an opportunity like this before. “You asked me if I’ve ever had an affair, and I told you I haven’t,” I said. “Have you?”
“Never. My attraction to you goes against all of my beliefs.” He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “My parents, who are my world, have been happily married for thirty-seven years. I’d kill anyone who tried to come between them.”
I sat back in my seat, surprised by his candidness. He struggled with our connection, too. Despite his persistence, loyalty meant something to him.Thatwas why he’d stormed out of Lucy’s office. But his idolization of his parents’ marriage made him even more attractive. Maybe he wasn’t pursuing me because he wanted to. Maybe he wasn’t playing with fire. Maybe, like me, the burn found him wherever he went, consuming and growing stronger, compelling him toward me.
“Then why are you here?” I asked. “Why did you come to my office the first time—why threaten to stop pretending when we’re alone if it’s not because you want to fuck me?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and glanced away. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
Once he did, once he said it aloud, that would be it. If David truly wasn’t after me for an affair, for one night of giving in, then did that mean he wanted . . . more?
More could only mean one thing.
Breaking up my marriage.
Taking a hammer to the life I’d sculpted.
And it was clear to both of us—that wasn’t an option.
“Fine,” I said. “Serena will be in touch about anything else. I’ll see you at the event.”
He rubbed his eyebrow, staying where he was. “Let me drive you home.”
“What?” I frowned. “Youjustsaid we couldn’t see each other again.”
“It’s not again. It’s after dark. The Loop is quiet this time of night. And without a security guard—”
“No,” I said firmly.
“Then I’ll at least walk you to the train. Get you a cab. Whatever. It’s your safety.”
“Look, I get it,” I said with a sigh. “This is your thing.”
His brow furrowed. “What’s my thing?”
“You’re a gentleman. You’re just notmine.”
With us, it was all or nothing—and it couldn’t be all. If he even walked me downstairs, we’d be doing something wrong. Justbeinghere with him was a transgression.
I didn’t have to explain that to him. David hesitated a moment, then turned and walked out.
I should’ve been thankful. I should’ve been relieved. I thought of Bill, and knew this was the right thing. I thought of David, and the idea of not seeing him again after this weekend hurt in the spot my heart should be.
