I hadn’t meant to do it. I’d gone right up to the line, walked along it, and so had David on the other side. I’d never meant to cross it.
I hadn’t meant it. What had I done? And what did I do now?
Not even footsteps in the hall could move me. My heart fluttered with each solid step of dress shoes against tile. David wouldn’t leave me this way. He’d walk back through the door.
And then what?
I’d slipped just now, but letting it happen again couldn’t be called anything other than intentional.
Falling into his arms, letting myself be devoured . . .
Bill walked in instead, stopping short as his eyes landed on me.
Everything in me ceased to function. Bill could see it on my face. Everything. The betrayal of David lips on mine, the guilt that I’d pulled him closer, the shame that I wished he’d return just now.
“Did you get my text?” Bill asked. “Car’s all loaded up, and we’re ready to hit the road. Where’s Luce?”
I couldn’t respond, afraid I’d choke on the words. What could I possibly say? Any word out of my mouth would be a lie if I didn’t confess. Now.
“I’m here.” Lucy popped up behind Bill, a pair of slacks draped over her arm. “Where’s David?”
They both looked at me.
I could read the slight irritation on Bill’s face that he’d had to come upstairs and we still weren’t ready. He’d have grumbled to Andrew about my not answering his call, his road trip playlist plugged in, The Cure on the car speakers.
My husband. A man I knew inside and out. We had a life. A routine. We had a weekend away with our best friends planned and waiting for us.
And I was—what? Going to admit I’d kissed a stranger, even though it wouldneverhappen again?
Upend Lucy’s weekend, her working relationship with David, and pull the plug on my feature and the promotion?
I swallowed.
“He . . . David had an emergency,” I said. “He . . . had to go.”
“Wait,what? Heleft?” Lucy’s mouth dropped. “But he’s wearing the wrong pants!”
And I had kissed the wrong man. I had made the wrong choice. But when? Just now, or years ago?
Was I living the wrong life?
15
Andrew’s family cabin glowed in the dark as we wound through the woods. After an hour in the car, and twenty minutes at a grocery store that’d felt like hours, I couldn’t wait to get out and make a beeline for the shower. I’d been sitting in my own shame, the memory of David’s kiss taunting me one second and tempting me the next. His unrelenting clasp on my shoulders and surprisingly tender lips claiming mine. The memory was made of details I should’ve been desperate to forget.
As Bill and Andrew unloaded their fishing equipment, I went directly to our room, dropped my suitcase and heels by the bed, and locked myself in the bathroom.
I couldn’t face myself in the mirror. Evidence of my transgression wouldn’t be visible, but I’d see it in my eyes.
I flipped on the shower, cranking the handle to get the water as hot as possible.
“Livs?” Bill called from the bedroom.
“I’ll be out soon,” I said, stripping down.
“We’re going to make food.” He tried the door handle. “What do you want?”
Food was the last thing on my mind. I needed to cleanse, not consume. “I don’t care,” I said, piling my dress and undergarments on the tile floor.
