I looked over at him as he flipped through his book, trying to find where he’d left off. Did he think I was worse than her? Colder?
I’d lost count of how many times I’d opened my mouth to explain what it was like. How it’d felt to live through the divorce knowing that Mom cared more about losing my dad than me.
How she maybe even loved the idea of us more than the reality, and that she was happiest in her misery because she could blame it on us.
If I tried to get Bill to understand, and he didn’t—would that mean he was right? ThatIwas to blame for the irreparable rift between mother and daughter?
* * *
I woke up from a nap in a daze, confused by the setting sun and the warmth of a heavy blanket draped over me.
Bill had tucked me in. Thawed me. Yet I’d fallen asleep thinking about David’s suggestive texts. The balls it’d taken to send them, to comment on another man’s wife’s dress, to give her a pet name.
Had he thought of glittering gold and honeybees when he’d laid his head on his pillow last night?
Did he ever spend a Sunday evening with a woman, or was that too intimate?
That wasn’t my business. I turned my face into the couch pillow.
I closed my eyes, giving in to a second round of sleep, when Bill spoke from the hallway. “Yeah?”
“Hmm?” I asked.
“You called for me.”
Had I? On some level, I knew what I needed. Not silly fantasies made of lust but the steady love I already had.
I reached for Bill. He climbed in with me, tented the blanket, and kissed my bare shoulder.
“Do you still think I’m cold?” I whispered, looking up at him.
“No.” He rubbed a smooth cheek against me. I lazily pulled him on top of me and ran the soles of my feet over his long calves. The inside of his mouth was hot and soft, and when he drew away, I almost pulled him back.
Instead, I told him to get a condom.
We made love under that too-hot blanket, sweating and groaning into each other. After a second time, we lay panting until my phone began to chime.
“That’s my birth control reminder.” I wiggled out from under Bill, but he caught my forearm. I turned to meet eyes that asked me to stay. To skip today’s pill, and tomorrow’s, too. The moment stretched as we stared at each other in the almost-dark punctuated by melodious chimes. But it didn’t matter how desperately Bill wanted it or pleaded with me—I wasn’t stopping birth control today. Or tomorrow, either.
Slowly, I slid my arm through his hand and left to take the pill.
11
From:David Dylan
Sent:Mon, May 7 08:23 AM CDT
To:Olivia Germaine
Subject:The reason I called
Olivia,
I’m headed over to my latest project today. I’ll pick you up on the way for our lunch appointment to discuss my bachelor status.
P.S. Got your Meet & Greet invitation. I’ll be there.
DAVID DYLAN
