He pulled my hair so I was forced to draw back, but I avoided his eyes. I held on to his shoulders and clenched his cock inside of me to push him over the edge. “Come, baby,” I coaxed.
“But you—” he bit out, inhaling through his mouth. “Fuck,” he said when I picked up my pace and squeezed again. He was gone. I dug my fingers into his skin as he shuddered and released into me, gripping my hips. I watched his face with fascination as it contorted with carnal bliss. While his muscles relaxed into the mattress, I kissed his jawline reverently, made my way down, and tucked my face into the crook of his neck.
“Olivia,” he whispered hotly.
This was it. I’d had my day with him, a beautiful day filled with his love. Now, I owed him the truth. I didn’t move, unable to face him.
“Hey,” he said, pushing me off of his torso gently. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I love you.”
He ran his hands over my body, feeling my back, my arms, my neck, my scar. “Tell me what you’re scared of, and I’ll fix it. I promise.”
“My superhero.” I looked down at my hands and body, covered in oil. “Let me just rinse off first.”
I crawled off the bed, closed the bathroom door, and steadied myself against the counter. In the mirror, I told myself I could do this. I had to. Afterward, nothing would be the same, but the thing was . . .
I didn’t regret any of it. I’d fought so hard to keep from getting hurt, but as the pain filtered in, I also found strange and overwhelming peace in my endless, absolute love for David.
27
The shower’s hot water soaked me. Under the beating stream, the past few months rushed out through scalding tears—Bill’s harsh words, my mother’s disappointment, all the fears I still had and the ones I’d already conquered, and of course, the possibility of losing David now.
And my heart leaked through my eyes for everything we’d built, everything we’dfoughtfor. Were things meant to end this way, everything swirling down the drain? I heard the door open, but I stayed facing the wall. Moments later, his hand ran over the hair plastered to my back. My sobs redoubled at his touch. Despite the burning of my eyes and the trembling of my body, his touch soothed me.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“For what?” he asked softly.
Finally, I turned to him and stared at him with wonder. Hewasa dream, even in soaking wet boxer briefs. “I should never have let things get this far,” I said, exhaling a shaky breath.
He shut off the water before stepping out of the shower. I followed, and he wrapped me in a towel, securing my arms to my body. He guided me onto the edge of the bathtub, squatted on his heels, and looked up at me. “Let what get so far?”
“I thought I’d change my mind,” I said. “I thought being with you would change everything, but . . . it hasn’t. I still feel the same.”
“I don’t understand, Olivia,” he said, cupping my jaw.
I took a deep breath as a sense of calm fell over me. Thankful that there were no tears left in me, I looked him in the eye. And I said it. “I don’t want children.”
His hand withdrew immediately, and his expression cleared.
In the ensuing silence, I tried to read his reaction, but he just stared at me with huge brown eyes. It took a lot to shock David, but now, he seemed unable to even process what I’d said.
So, I continued.
“I’ve seen you with Alex,” I said. “I know you’ll be an incredible father. You want it. I can see it. I’m sorry for waiting this long to tell you, but . . .” I paused when my voice wavered. “I honestly thought we had more time.”
I was wrong. I was not cried out. Tears began to spill again, sliding down my cheeks and dropping into my lap.
And for once, David didn’t catch them. He looked away and focused on the tiled wall. At least it gave me a moment to trace the lines of his jaw with my eyes, to memorize the curve of his magnificent lips and the chestnut, golden color of his eyes. He really was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. And he’d almost been mine.
“I’m sorry,” he said to the wall. “I don’t know what to say. I need . . .”
Space. He didn’t have to say it. I’d asked for it often. Sometimes he’d granted my wish. Others, he’d pushed back. This wasn’t something either of us could push, though. I knew that. I’d been pushed in the past, and it’d driven me away.
I stood from the edge of the tub, walked to the bed, and slid between the sheets. Covering my face with my hands, I cried. David never came, and eventually, I fell asleep.
* * *
