“I’m happy to be here with you now,” he said. “That just came out. I meant it, but I should’ve waited.”
Coward!I screamed at myself. He didn’t deserve this. He needed to know that the subject of starting a family had been the beginning of the erosion of my marriage. And that even though so much had changed . . . my feelings about motherhood hadn’t. “David,” I started.
He looked at me expectantly. He was so open, his eyes clear, and his love pouring over me. For God’s sake, he’d just asked me to marry him. How would I survive if he never looked at me that way again? If this one last piece of the puzzle didn’t fit for us? I didn’t know, but I never wanted to find out.
In that moment, I wanted to deflect, but I forced myself to be honest. “I am freaking out.”
His body stiffened, and he moved back to sit on his calves. “All right.” He paused, as if searching for the words. “About the proposal? Or about us?”
I don’t want kids. The thought stopped my heart, stole my breath, ceased body function of any kind. This one thing could give David every reason to walk away. Now. To leave this bed, taking his warmth and love with him.
But if it was going to be a dealbreaker—wasn’t it better to know sooner rather than later?
Yes. That was the only answer. But the potential consequences of that conversation could be devastating. And they could sever a perfectly pure, once-in-a-lifetime love.
Let me have today, David.“I need a little space to sort through this.”
“Space? I . . .” He rubbed his chest. “Olivia, we’ve talked about this. I realize the proposal was sudden, but slowing our relationship down isn’t—”
“No, no.” I needed perspective. A clear head. I needed to make some decisions and to work up my courage. I took his hand. “Not that kind of space. I just need to, I don’t know—go for a walk.”
“Alone,” he guessed.
I nodded. “I’m not doing this on my own, and I’m not running away. But there will be times when I need to gather my thoughts.”
He got off the bed and went to peek out the window. “It’s raining.”
“I don’t mind.”
He disappeared into the bathroom and returned in his board shorts. “If you feel you need space, I can’t stop you,” he said, doing up the tie. “But promise me you won’t make any decisions about us without me.”
That was a fair demand—not just because he deserved input, but because I’d shut him out before. I went to him, rose onto the tips of my toes, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I won’t.”
David glanced at me sidelong. “You know that to be a runaway bride, you actually have to be a fiancée first, right? And then make it to the ceremony?”
I half-laughed. “I’m not running anywhere. If anything, I never want to leave this place.”
David glanced at the clock. “Our flight is this afternoon with everyone else,” he said. “I could see if Brian’ll let us spend another night. Just you and me.”
“I’d like that,” I said. I knew David wouldn’t let me off the hook tonight, and having this conversation after traveling all day didn’t sound fun. “I’ll take a personal day tomorrow.”
“Or—” He paused.
“What?”
“Never mind. It might be too much for today.”
Never mind? Since when did David not say what was on his mind? I studied him a minute. “I’m not freaking out about us, David,” I said. “I promise. I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me.”
“I’ll always have you,” he said.
It was a promise, but one he was making without all the information. “I know it’s unfair to ask when I’m not reciprocating, but please tell me what you were going to say.”
“Fine.” He nodded once. “Youcouldjust put in your notice at work.”
I blinked at him. “Quit?”
“I’d planned to tell you once I got more info, but I have another work opportunity in New York,” he said. “This one is full-time, six months. And after that, who knows? It could be anywhere. We could do some traveling.”
