“You were so broken up about the divorce. I didn’t want to make things worse for you.” Dad pulled on his chin. “Frankly, I was afraid you’d get so upset that you’d ask to live with her instead of me.”
“Don’t you think I should’ve been able to decide that for myself?” I asked, my temper rising.
He shook his head but didn’t speak.
“No?” I asked. “You withheld important information, Dad. Did Mom see something the day she found Gina at your office? That was when she started toreallychange.”
“Nah,” he said. “Leanore just had that sixth sense you women seem to possess about these things.”
I put my elbows on the table and rubbed the inside corners of my eyes. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because sometimes we make mistakes, and we learn from them. I want you to learn from my mistakes. Then again, Liv, it can turn out they weren’t mistakes at all.”
“Cheating on Mom wasn’t a mistake?” I asked.
“I’m not proud of it. I wish I could say I’d go back and undo it, but that’d be a lie.”
I drew back at his unapologetic frankness. “But . . . Mom told me she wanted me to live with her. Why’d she give up fighting for custody if you’d been unfaithful? Wouldn’t she have had a real chance at winning?”
“She put her own daughter in the hospital. And who do you think paid her lawyer’s fees?” He frowned. “I didn’t want to leave her destitute, but I wasn’t going to let her anywhere near you before you turned eighteen. As a guarantee, we settled on amuchhigher alimony if she didn’t pursue it.”
Blood drained from my face. “You paid her not to fight for custody?”
“Sheacceptedmore money to stop fighting for you. Without hesitation. Think about that. Like I said, I don’t regret it.” He rested his ankle over one knee. “Your mother couldn’t care for you the way I could, sugar—financially or otherwise. I hate to think how you would’ve turned out if she’d had her way.”
My mother didn’tactuallywant me very much. Not more than money. I’d suspected all along, but it’d been just another feeling I’d tried to ignore. Now, I knew it was true. She didn’t have it in her to care for me the way a mother should. Her only daughter. Many times growing up, before Dad and I had left, I’d had the vague sense that she loved him more than me and that I’d taken a piece of him away from her.
She was cold, like me, but hot and fiery only when it suited her. Dad had done his best to protect me, but it seemed I’d turned out like her anyway, just like Bill had said. But she hadn’t been completely crazy as I’d accused. And my dad? He’dcheated. Worse, he’d lied—to me of all people. My rock. My idol.
“Olivia?” Dad asked, peering at me.
I met his concerned stare. “Did you love her?”
“Your mother? Very much, but her anger and jealousy became so difficult toward the end. Gina came along, and she was so easy—well, at first. But that night . . . the night in the hospital? I almost died of regret for not getting you out of Leanore’s grips earlier. And for putting you through that. From that moment on, I was done with Leanore. For good. Gina was there with me the whole way.”
I gaped at him as something occurred to me. “But I didn’t meet Gina until years later.”
“I wasn’t taking any chances. I had to be sure you were ready for a new person in your life. And I had to know I could bringheraround my girl.”
I searched his face. “You didn’t marry her until I left for college. She waited all that time for you?”
“Yes.”
“You kept a lot from me,” I stated, not exactly sure if I was angry or not.
“It was to protect you.”
I nodded as the information filtered in. It was clear by his tone that he believed he’d done the right thing, but he looked hurt. It struck me deep inside, cutting through everything I’d just heard. Nothing was worse than seeing my dad in pain . . . something, I was realizing, that was also true of David.
“Your divorce from Gina must be finalized by now,” I said. “But you still love her, don’t you?”
“Sure. And I miss her. But that’s not always enough. Gina was a lot to handle, too.” He blew out a sigh and looked into his whiskey. “I always seem to choose the most difficult women.”
And I had been anything but difficult for Bill. Not up until now, when I’d chosen David over him. Was it a coincidence? Or had some part of me been actively trying not to complicate my parents’—or anyone’s—lives any further?
“Do you regret it?” I rushed out.
“Regret what?” he asked.
