“I called Maria before I came over here to explain Saturday night,” he said. “And you know what I told her? That you changed my life. That I’ll marry you one day, and that she shouldn’t waste her time giving me another thought, because nothing and no one would come between you and me—at least not anyone frommypast.”
My heart skipped hearing him speak with such confidence. He’d never doubted us, and still, now, he put it all on the line. I, on the other hand, had denied him that reassurance over and over. I believed in us enough to dispel any concerns Bill might raise—didn’t I? So why hadn’t I stood up for David?
He’d marry me.
But I wasalreadymarried. And unraveling a life was a lot more complex than David asking for his keys back.
“You can’t expect me to change overnight,” I said. “You knew things were complicated. I just need time to adjust. Things are moving so fast with us.”
“I know you didn’t have that openness with him, so I get that it’s scary. But this weekend, Olivia, yougave. I saw it, and it was everything I hoped for. But I can feel you taking it away. If you shut me out, this won’t work.”
“I’m not taking anything away, and I’m not shutting you out. Yes, we had a perfect weekend, but it can’t always be that way, David.”
He looked away and shook his head. “He has you so fucked, you don’t even realize that this,”—he gestured between us—“is how it’s supposed to be.”
“Youdon’t realize that love isn’t always enough,” I said, my voice rising. “You’re talking about moving in and marriage, while I’m still trying to decide if I should stay over at your place another night or go to Gretchen’s to give us each some space. I mean, if you and I keep going with the pedal to the metal, we’ll crash and burn at the first pothole.”
“I never used the wordperfect.Youdid. That’s not what I expect.” He shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up. “What I’m saying is that Bill, or maybe your mom, I don’t know—they have you believing that you’re supposed to do this on your own. That if you let me in, I’ll take that trust and turn it on you. You’ve got to let me help, but instead you want space to think on your own. Without me.”
Everything he said held weight, but I thought Ihadbeen letting him help. Couldn’t he see how difficult it’d been for me to open up to him this weekend, even if it’d been equally as rewarding?
David stared at me, eyebrows raised, as if expecting me to respond. But words weren’t enough. Only actions would show him I was trying, and by letting Bill get under my skin, I’d already fucked up.
David picked up his blazer from the back of the chair.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Go stay at Gretchen’s tonight,” he said.
I blanched. It was the last thing I expected him to say. David had been pushing for us for so long, his defeat caught me off guard. “What?”
He turned to me as he shrugged on his suit jacket and fixed his cuffs. “I can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t talk to me. I can’t always be the one doing all the work.” He fixed his gaze on me. “So you go to Gretchen’s like you wanted and figure out if that’s the life you want. A life without me. Maybe it’s being single, maybe it’s with Bill. But it’s without me.”
My chin quivered. Suddenly, I didn’t want to go to Gretchen’s. I’d fucked up by trying to spare David from seeing my weaknesses the way I’d done to Bill—to spare us both from the heartache that could be. I should’ve just forced myself to share that burden with him. “I’m sorry,” I said. “You’re right. Tonight, we can talk—”
“No,” he said. “I already gave you the chance to talk, but instead you want to keep it all inside so you can make decisions without me and believehimover me. You’re supposed to be onmyside, Olivia. Not his. So go and decide if you want what we had this weekend, or if you prefer the type of life where nobody gets in, and it’s just you, and you have no pain, but you don’t have real love either. Not the kind I’m fuckinghanding youon a silver platter.”
My mouth fell open while he spoke. His firm tone faltered with a sadness he didn’t try to hide. It burrowed into my heart and made me sad, too. I never would’ve left Bill if I hadn’t believed David’s love was real. Of course I wanted that.
David started for the door.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you,” I pleaded. “Iamon your side—”
“Spare me, babe,” he said as he turned back to me. “Take the time you need, and let me know what you decide. This isn’t an ultimatum. I just need to know that we’re on the same page, because by protecting yourself, you’re fucking me over. And I put it all out there for you. I don’t hold anything back. Now I’m the one who’s fucked.”
His words landed with a stabbing pain in my chest. Hurting David was the last thing I wanted to do, and I’d committed that crime too many times.
I must’ve looked as shocked as I felt, because David sighed heavily and walked back over. Gently, he took my chin in his hand. “Did you eat?” he demanded softly.
I blinked. “What?”
“You promised, when I tried to make you breakfast, that you’d have a big lunch.”
I sighed.Thiswas his concern? “I’ll eat now.”
“Thank you.” He placed a kiss on my lips and then pulled back. “I love you. Okay?”
Somehow I understood there was nothing I could say to change David’s mind in that moment. I’d risked everything to be with him, but he’d risked even more. He’d put his entire heart on the line, while I’d kept part of mine shut off. But I couldn’t change that in one weekend, and so, we’d slow down. I was the one who’d asked for that.
