“I can be myself with him. He anticipates my feelings, and when he doesn’t know, he asks. He asks me about myself.”
“I saidI’d ask questions. What do you want me to ask? Better yet, why don’t you justtell meso I don’t have to ask? You’re the one who clams up, and I’m being punished for it.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “You’re right. I admit that I should have done things differently from the start.”
“It’s not too late. We can start with the scar.” He glanced at my desk as if trying to see through it. “You can tell me everything.”
“The scar,” I said. He already knew the details because he’d discussed it with my mother behind my back. “That reminds me—you told my mom about David before I could. You called her,” I accused.
“Because I’m at a loss for what to do, and I’m worried about you.” He stood to pace in front of my desk. “I don’t know how to get through and show you that you’re making a mistake. Your mom knows about this stuff. She has experience.”
“Shedoesn’thave experience,” I shot back. “She’s lying. Dad never cheated on her. It was all in her head.”
He pursed his lips. “Me and your mom, we’re on your side. You’re the one who abandoned us. You ran out on her, and now you’re running out on me. But . . .” Bill rounded the desk and shocked me by dropping to his knees in front of my chair. He took my hands in his one good hand. “Please, Olivia. Don’t do this. I love you, and we can work this out. We’ll do counseling if you want, I don’t care. I love you,” he repeated. “I can change. I’ll ask questions. We can put off having a baby. We can get to know each other all over again.”
My mind went blank just trying to comprehend what was happening. When had Bill ever begged me for anything? I had no idea how to respond. But finally, he got what he wanted—tears flooded my eyes and fell onto our hands as I cried for us, in his presence, for the first time in a while.
“Listen,” he said softly. “Are you listening?”
I nodded because I was. This was a side of Bill I had never seen, and he had my attention.
He looked into me, his familiar brown eyes suddenly intense and lucid. “I don’t want you to get hurt. What is he giving up for you? He’s never been married because he doesn’t want to be. What makes you different? How do you know he doesn’t say the same things to the other girls? That’s what womanizersdo, Liv. He gets off on using women and tossing them aside, and you were the ultimate conquest.”
Stop. The words made too much sense, and I couldn’t blame Bill for saying them. I’d thought them many times myself, beating them back—but with what? Truths or excuses so I have more time with David?
My breath caught in my chest, stuttering to get out. “Bill,” I pleaded. “Stop.”
“No. You wanted me to break through—that’s what I’m doing. He’s not good for you. Even Dani says David has no regard for women, and he treats them like trash.”
My mouth popped open at the mention of Danielle, Lucy’s sister. David’s ex. Had he treated her like trash? Hadn’t she called him a gentleman? “She’s making that up because he didn’t choose her,” I said, but I heard the wavering in my own voice. I’d never known Dani to be a liar.
Bill shook his head slowly. “I didn’t want to tell you, but she said . . .” He hesitated and looked away for a moment. When his gaze returned, his expression softened. “She said after he finally screwed her, she never heard from him again.”
My heart dropped. David had sworn to me that there’d been nothing more between them than a one-sided kiss at the masquerade ball. My mind flashed to that night. According to him, it was the last time they’d seen each other. And that night, he and I had fucked hard and fought harder. He’d cast me aside angrily, maybe thinking he’d never see me again. Perhaps finding comfort in Danielle.
And there was her pink hoodie in his car, physical evidence of their relationship. “That’s not . . . true,” I said, trying to hide my internal struggle.
Would Dani lie about that? Would Bill?
“Whether or not it’s true, it could’ve happened,” he said. “Think about how devastated you’ll be if you throw everything away for nothing.” He ran his hand over mine. “I’ll never leave you, babe,” he said as a tear ran down his cheek. “I’ve been by your side through all of this.”
I sniffled, and he winced as he straightened up and took my face. He leaned in, holding me still, until his lips touched mine.
And he kissed me.
13
In the middle of the workday, at my office, the husband I’d asked for a divorce kissed me.
It was a different kiss than I was used to from Bill—humble and affectionate until he deepened it. He moaned, opening my mouth with his tongue.
“Stop,” I said, pulling back suddenly and wiping my face. “No, I can’t.”
His eyes, pained either by my words or by his broken nose, darted over my face. “Think about what you’re doing,” he said seriously. “You’re throwing everything down the drain for a fling. He doesn’t love you. I do. He doesn’t want you as his wife. I do.” I watched as more tears fell from Bill’s pleading eyes. “Liv.”
Daviddidwant me. He loved me. I couldn’t lose sight of that. When he kissed me, fireworks lit up the world. But fireworks fizzled and faded, leaving nothing but smoky imprints in the sky that cleared before dawn. What would be left when David’s and my passion waned?
WouldIbe the one on my knees, asking Bill for a second chance?No. I couldn’t wrap my head around that. I wouldn’t let that happen, and neither would David. I shook my head and looked away.
