“Oh my God,” Lucy said.
“I couldn’tnot,” I said, pleading with her to understand.
“That’s bullshit,” Lucy said. “You’re stronger than that. You’ve always been strong.”
I frowned. “Which just goes to show how hard I fell for him.”
“Stop. Just stop. You’ve been lying to all of us, including my sister, for what? Seven fucking months?” She scoffed. “Is seven months even long enough to know that you’re ready to give everything up?”
I hesitated. “How long did it take you to fall in love with Andrew?”
The way her face morphed had me shrinking in my seat. “If you think messing around with someone like David is anythingcloseto what Andrew and I have, then you know nothing about love. That’s ridiculous.”
“Come on, that’s not fair,” Gretchen said defensively. “Have you ever seen Liv this passionate? About anything, even Bill? You know this is the right thing, you just don’t want to say it.”
Lucy averted her eyes as I looked from her to Gretchen. Had she just said I was doing the right thing?
“This isnotright,” Lucy mumbled, crossing her arms. “Bill loves you, he trusts you, and this is how you repay him?” She paled, her face almost green. “You made a vow to him. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
My chest grew heavy, and a lump formed in my throat. “Of course it does,” I said, just above a whisper. “I love Bill, but things just aren’t right with him.”
“So you go to counseling,” she cried. “You don’t fuck someone else.”
I tried picturing David’s face from the night before, the way he’d looked right after I’d told him he was my home. But I couldn’t remember in that moment, and I began to waver. Had I thought this through? Did I owe my marriage another chance? What was I thinking, agreeing to leave my husband of five years for someone I barely knew? Tears pooled in my eyes, and I bit my lip to hold them back. Gretchen scooted her chair closer to mine and hugged me from the side.
Lucy cocked her head, peered at me, and sighed. “Look,” she started gently, “you don’t have to do this. You said you haven’t told Bill?”
“He only knows David and I slept together. He’s known for weeks, but he never even asked if I had feelings for David. I do—”
“Then it’s not too late to call this off,” Lucy said. “I can see that you’re really wrapped up in David, but we’ll help you through it. Couples survive affairs all the time. We’ll get you through this with Bill.” She took a deep, bracing breath. “And it will besohard for me, but I promise not to say anything to Andrew about you wanting to leave. Bill doesn’t have to know.”
“But,” I said. “David . . .”
“Forget him,” Lucy urged. “Is he worth losing everything?”
With a stuttering breath, I nodded slowly.
Her face fell. “Everything?” she asked blankly. “Everything?”
I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.Everythingwas what David had promised me the night before. Believing him was a leap of faith. For the first time in years, my heart and my instinct overruled my sense. This risk could leave me with nothing. But it could also gain me everything.
I just stared at Lucy until she rose from the table.
“I can’t,” she said, snatching her purse from the back of her chair. “I can’t watch you do this.”
“Lucy, wait, please,” I begged as she turned to leave.
She looked back and fixed steady eyes on me. “Don’t tell Bill. If you decide to do the right thing, call me—I’ll be there. But I won’t sit back and watch you throw everything away.”
After she stormed away, I turned to Gretchen. “What am I doing? Am I making a mistake?” I never let myself get swept up in the moment—because there were consequences. Last night, I had. Had I truly considered the fallout I was facing? I fought back tears. “Oh, God, Gretchen. What if I can’t go through with it?”
She put her arms back around me and held me close. As we sat in silence, the doubt Lucy had planted began to take hold inside me, feeding off the guilt and shame I’d been harboring for months. Gretchen separated from me finally and brushed a piece of my hair from my forehead. “I want to say something, but I’m afraid it will come back to bite me in the ass.”
I swallowed and nodded that I understood. Before I could respond, she continued.
“I’m going to tell you anyway,” she said, “because I love you, and I think you need to hear it.” She sighed and picked at her nail polish, obviously deep in thought. Seconds ticked by until she eventually spoke again. “You’re not making a mistake,” she said softly.
“What?” I asked.
