He collapsed, pinning me to the floor with his solid, sweaty body. Heat radiated from us, engulfed us. My hands touched his shoulders, his back, and his face, pushing the matted hair from his forehead. His hand tangled in my knotted bun. Caught, I couldn’t move as he drew back and ensnared me in a frantic kiss. In that moment, nothing mattered more to me than the feeling of him, real and secure, on top of me.
25
Istruck a match and lit one candle on the kitchen table. David and I had dressed quickly in the dark and hurried from the bedroom, though I knew well enough that his spell could not be confined to any particular space.
I went to sit across from him, but he pulled me down, and I fell into his lap. He sat back and rested me against his arm, giving me a quick but sensual kiss.
“Did you hurt yourself?” I asked, capturing his now healed hand in mine. “When you hit the tree?”
“No,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.”
I hesitated and clutched his t-shirt as though he might disappear suddenly. “Did you . . .”
“What?” he asked, tugging on my bun so I had to look up. I could feel his heart pounding, but his expression was soft.
“Did you mean it?” I asked.
His face creased with anguish. “Do you think I would say it and not mean it?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m in love with you,” he said. “I’ve known for so long, but I also knew it would scare you away. You gave me no choice, though.”
Silence fell between us. With David’s past and my present, I couldn’t tell him that I loved him, too. I looked away and rested my cheek against his chest. “Itdoesscare me.”
He ran a hand over my hairline. “I know it does, but Olivia . . .”
“David,” I replied, squeezing my eyes shut and tensing in his embrace.
“You have to move past that and trust in us. For me.”
Bill had asked the same of me. To trust him to steer us in a direction that I’d come to want. “Even without Bill in the picture, I’d still be scared.” I looked up at David. “What if you change your mind?”
“I won’t, but I know you won’t believe me no matter how many times I say that. So you have to take a leap of faith.”
David had always demanded honesty. I gave that to him now. “I don’t know if I can. My whole life has been built around protecting myself from the unknown. From pain. I didn’t realize how deliberate it was until you came along.”
“But you’re also shielding yourself from all the good that comes with loving someone as deeply as you can love me, Olivia. Leave with me now. Tonight.”
Oh my God. Now?There was no more time to make these decisions, but I was scared. Worried. What if David realized he couldn’t leave bachelorhood behind? What if I once again promised a man I loved a future I couldn’t deliver?
I climbed off of his lap, tension settling back in my neck. As the glow wore off, everything I’d been shouldering seeped back into my thoughts, wakening my conscience. “You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“Yes, I do, Olivia.” He lifted a hand and ran his knuckles over my cheek before taking my jaw. When he spoke again, his voice was urgent and grave. “I’m asking you to leave him and initiate a divorce.”
Hearing it in such cold, black-and-white terms, my throat closed.
Initiate a divorce—as if I could push a button and walk away as my marriage detonated.
It wasn’t like that.
Divorce didn’t explode. It was a slow burn that incinerated everything in its path. It would hurt both Bill, whom I still loved, and myself—his family and mine, and our friends, too. I’d be responsible for putting all of that into motion.
My pulse quickened. I had spent my adult life ensuring I’d never have to make this decision.
