A long silence ensued as I tried to gather myself.
“And that’s how it ended?” Gretchen asked when I didn’t continue.
I shifted on the couch, raising my eyes to her. “No. This morning, I told him.”
Her brows furrowed a moment until understanding dawned. “Bill?” she guessed. “You told him about the affair?”
“Yes.” I fisted the pillow as my stomach churned, remembering Bill’s expression morphing between shock, hurt, and anger. “He was upset, obviously,” I said. “But also, at times, weirdly calm. Then he asked for details.”
“Did you tell him it was David?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know how much I should tell him.”
Gretchen glanced at the coffee table, lost in a thought. “I think you should tell him everything,” she said. “I’d want to know. Wouldn’t you?”
“I guess,” I said, nodding. For the first time, I wondered what it would be like if Bill’s and my roles were reversed. The thought of him cheating on me was so far-fetched, I almost laughed. Instead, I cringed, trying to envision how that conversation would go. There was absolutely no part of me that would want details. “Actually, no,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to know.”
“Really? I’d be tearing shit down.”
The picture in my head shifted from Bill to David.Now, I was tearing shit down, screaming, sobbing, asking for sordid details. I guessed Bill having an affair with another woman while married to me would be ugly and uncomfortable, but David? It would be shattering.
“Oh, honey,” Gretchen said. “Bill won’t leave you. Don’t worry. It’ll be hard, but you guys will make it through this.”
I cocked my head at her. “How do you know?”
“Bill adores you. And he’s definitely the type to want to work through this, don’t you think?”
Slowly, I nodded. That sounded like Bill. “I hurt him so much,” I said. “But David, he has . . . had this power over me. With him, nothing and nobody else matters. And now I’m just supposed to forget him? Yes, I hurt Bill, but . . .” My throat thickening. “That’s not even what’s breaking me in this moment.”
“Ah,” she said, twisting her hands as she worked through what I was saying. “I see. You didn’t call because of Bill. He’s not why you’re upset.”
I shook my head hard. “After I told Bill, I went to see David.”
Gretchen sighed. “Liv, I warned you. Didn’t I? I said that man has the power to fucking destroy hearts.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “But losing him feels . . . physical. Like somebody’s squeezing my insides.”
“Are you . . .” She cleared her throat. “You’re thinking about leaving Bill for David?”
My chin quivered, and I paused. “No. David and I fought. I ended things. For real, this time.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
I inhaled deeply through my nose. “David bought the Oak Park house.”
She tilted her head to the side. “The Oak Park house . . . that you and Bill tried to buy? The one David helped you out with?” She frowned. “Hebought it instead?”
I confirmed with a short nod.
“What an asshole,” she said. “Why would he do that? To flip it for a profit?”
I stuck my thumbnail between my front teeth. I’d accused him of the same, but no part of me believed that. “I don’t know the reason,” I said. “From the start, David has told me he wants more than I can give. And you know as well as anyone, a guy like David gets whatever he wants.” I looked back at her. “I guess this was his way of doing that. Asserting his dominance, trying to fuck with my marriage, getting between Bill and me.”
Her eyebrows rose. “He wants you to leave Bill?”
“Hethinkshe wants that,” I said. “Or at least, that’s what he’s told me. That’s why this house thing pisses me off so much—it was backhanded of him and it makes me question everything we have.Had.”
Gretchen watched me closely. “I’ve never heard you talk like this.”
