I swiped a lipstick smudge from the corner of my mouth. In the day’s chaos, it had been easy to avoid my thoughts. But now I braced myself against the vanity table. Tonight, I would see David again, and I had no plan. Beads of sweat formed on my upper lip just thinking about it.
Gretchen breezed in, still dressed in one of the red satin bridesmaid robes we’d all received. She halted when she saw me. “Liv,” she said, passing her eyes over me. “Shit. You’re really skinny.”
“Stop,” I said, crossing my arms into myself. “Don’t look at me like that.”
She walked over and pulled on the armhole of the dress. “This is big. I knew you’d lost weight, but this is too much.” She ran a finger over my chest that left chills in its wake. “I can, like, see your ribs.”
“You cannot,” I countered, puffing up. “I just know I’m going to be cold, though. Do you think Lucy will let me wear something over my shoulders?”
“After this weekend, will you please go talk to someone?” Gretchen asked. “You’re depressed.”
Depressed? I reeled back at the accusation. As far as she and everyone knew, I was in mourning. That was allowed, wasn’t it? “I am not depressed. Yes, I’ve lost weight, but I have been workinga lot.”
And how can I eat when I feel so sick to my stomach all the time?
“Don’t make me call your father,” Gretchen said. “I will, I swear.”
I scowled and turned sideways in the mirror, which only made me look gaunt.
Lucy’s glossy brown locks were twisted up and away from her face, not a single strand astray. Her simple dress had delicate, beaded cap sleeves and a fitted bodice that emphasized her small waist. Thankfully, she didn’t comment on my weight. Instead, she told us all that we looked perfect and that she was honored to have us in her bridal party. We met at a window and watched from the second floor as guests gathered on the house’s sprawling, vibrantly green lawn, then followed a walkway lined with candles to their seats.
“Are you ready?” Dani asked, touching Lucy’s shoulder. “I think it’s time.”
Everyone filtered out of the room. “Lucy,” I called before she left.
She turned and linked her arm with mine.
“I’m sorry about what I said the other night,” I said.
“I know,” she said, her smile genuine.
“Of course I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. You and Andrew will be so happy. I’m not sure why I said what I did. I mean, except that I mixed Cosmos and tequila.”
“It’s no big deal,” she said. “Andrew and I are meant for each other, and we know that. That’s all that matters.”
I nodded, but something about the confidence in her voice gave me a sinking feeling. I hadn’t doubted anything on my wedding day. But had I ever felt so sure and secure in my love for Bill? And why was doubt creeping in now, five years later, with the obvious next step on the horizon?
Downstairs, on the lawn, we found Lucy’s wedding planner. She led us to where our corresponding groomsmen waited. I’d gotten Bill into a tuxedo. The fabric hung nicely from his tall, slender frame because I’d insisted that he see a tailor despite the cost. He extended his hand to me, and I slipped into place comfortably beside him.
“You look gorgeous,” he whispered in my ear as we waited behind Gretchen, whose arm was linked with Andrew’s brother.
“Thank you.” I rose up on the balls of my feet and kissed his crooked nose. “Our turn,” I whispered, stepping forward. I squeezed his hand with the intention of hanging onto it all night.
* * *
The ceremony was Lucy-style perfect without any glitches or awkward pauses. We all clapped and grinned giddily as Andrew and Lucy were declared husband and wife, and Andrew dipped her for a kiss. After congratulations had been dealt, we, as a bridal party unit, broke off from the crowd for pictures. Having kept my eyes glued forward during the ceremony, I hadn’t seen David. Because of how desperately I wanted a glimpse of him, I knew it would be best if he’d changed his mind about showing up.
I became colder with the sun’s descent. Bill made humorless jokes with Andrew’s brothers that grated on my nerves. Once again, his touch became unwelcome, and I wished for a bottomless glass of wine and an oversized sweatshirt to hide under.
We entered an enormous white tent that glowed with soft light. The guests appeared to have become thoroughly buzzed while they’d waited for us.
As I caught up with Lucy’s parents, Bill found me and handed me a glass of water even though I’d only wanted wine. He put his arm around me, and I stiffened so noticeably that he removed it right away.
“Lucy tells us you’re looking for a house,” Lucy’s mom said.
“It’s been on the backburner,” Bill explained. “Liv’s been swamped with a new promotion, and we were dealing with the death of a family friend. But we’ve just started up again.”
“I was sorry to hear about your friend, Liv. Davena, right?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “It’s a grueling process, house hunting, isn’t it? I would love for Lucy and Andrew to settle somewhere more practical.”
