Did she know something?
No. No matter how badly I’d hurt David, he wouldn’t betray me by telling our secret. Especially not to Lucy’s sister.
“All the same, don’t spoil this for her,” Dani said. “She already worries about you too much when she should be focusing on herself right now.”
I looked over at Gretchen for backup, but she only shook her head. “I’m with Dani on this one, Liv. Remember what we talked about? This weekend is about Lucy. You promised, and so far, you’re doing a shitty job.”
Fine.Whatever. So I’d had a few drinks. So I’d managed to forget, for amoment, the agony of my life. Of how I’d fucked up and often thought about doing it again. Of what was coming for Bill and me, especially if we bought the Oak Park house. Of having and losing a man like David Dylan in the course of one night.
My eyes drifted back to Dani, narrowing. I imagined David sitting next to her, touching her hair and rubbing her back. He would smile mildly at me, and that’d be the worst part. His impassive eyes would regard me like an old friend. Someone he once knew. Maybe he still had that passion, but it would be for her or for someone else. Not for me. He wouldn’t look at me the same way anymore.
* * *
I stumbled into my apartment and shut the heavy door quietly behind me. I tossed my keys at the table but missed, so they landed on the floor with a clang. I kicked off my heels and moved through the dark, trying not to wake Bill.
Tiptoe, tiptoe, shh . . .
My shin knocked against the bedframe. “Shit, fuck!” I hissed.
“Liv?”
“Sorry, babe, I hin my shit. Er, I hit my shin on the bed,” I said, stifling a laugh.
The bed rustled with movement. “How was the bachelorette party?”
“Good,” I responded, and I could see his teeth flash in the dark. “We drankpinkCosmos at dinner and then tequila and . . . other stuff, I don’t remember.”
“So you had fun?” he asked.
“Yup. You?”
“Yeah, we had a good time, too. Andrew’s brothers are a little immature, but whatever.”
“Gretchen fell off a curb on our way out of the club.” I snickered and then broke into a fit of laughter, clutching my side. “She’s worried about her skinned elbow in the bachelorette dress.”
“You seem better,” Bill said cautiously when I’d recovered.
Am I?I didn’t know how to respond, because I wasn’t sure. Since my talk with Gretchen, I’d tried to be more affable. I didn’t feel back to normal, but I wasn’t sure I ever would. How could I, knowing what I’d done? How could things ever go back to the way they were?
“Bill,” I said softly. “Do you believe in soulmates?”
The sheets rustled again, and I jumped when he touched me. He rotated me by my hips and unzipped my party dress so it fell to the ground. His figure rose from the bed, and he found my lips with a gentle kiss.
“Wait,” I said when he pulled away. I wrapped my arms around his neck. It felt nice to be kissed and touched after months of loneliness. Maybe being with Bill again would remind me of our love. He could end all my inner battles.
He removed his boxers quickly as we kissed and then urged me backward onto the bed. He climbed on top of me, and I held his face to mine. When he nudged between my legs, I whispered, “Slow down. Kiss me first.”
I ran my hands over his long back and shut my eyes while he kissed me. I sought a connection with my hands and my tongue, but my head began to spin. I opened my eyes. The room spun, too. He pecked me on the lips before pulling away.
I blinked up, focusing on the ceiling.
What have I done?Something is lost. I’ve driven a wedge between us—does he feel it, too?
Bill returned, his hands sliding down and spreading me open. “Wait,” I groaned as dread and tequila flooded me. He started to push into me. “Wait, just—just slow down! Jesus.”
He jerked back and hovered over me. “What?” he asked, bewildered.
“You’re . . . you’re moving too fast, can’t you feel that I’m not ready?”
