I rewrapped myself in the cardigan Lucy had given me for my birthday. It had fit back then, but now it was looser.
“Lucy needs you,” Gretchen continued. “With the wedding next weekend, she has to know she can count on us.”
“Of course she can,” I said defensively. “I’ve been there every step of the way—did I not host the wedding shower, help you stuff invites, and have I not done everything she’s asked?”
“Yes, you have, it’s just obvious that your heart isn’t in it. And it hurts her feelings.”
“She said that?” I asked.
“She doesn’t have to.”
I swallowed. Lucy had looked forward to her wedding her entire life, and that included my part in it. It wasn’t fair to cast a shadow over a time she’d always remember. “Okay,” I said. “I get it. I’ll try harder.”
“Good. So let’s start with how you felt when you heard the news about Davena,” Gretchen said. “Maybe you can explain why you hid it from me that night? It’s no wonder you randomly disappeared from your own party. Nobody can keep something like that inside, not even you.”
“No—what I meant was that I get what you’re saying about Lucy,” I said. “I’ll change. I’ll be the dutiful bridesmaid. But I’m not up for this random therapy session.”
“You can’t change without talking about it.”
“Again, there is nothing to talk about,” I said. “People grieve in different ways, so please just drop it. As far as the wedding, I’ll make sure I’m back to my old self. For Lucy.”
Gretchen heaved a deep sigh and looked away as she bit her thumbnail. “You’re a stubborn bitch.”
An unwilling smile found my face. “Where are you taking me for lunch anyway—Milwaukee?”
“Nope, we’re going to a place with the largest, juiciest burgers around. You need some nourishment,” she said, tugging at the sleeve of my sweater. I almost gagged at the thought of consuming a whole hamburger when my stomach was in constant knots, but I figured this was what choosing one’s battles meant.
But when we arrived, my heart dropped. I was standing in front of the restaurant where David had taken me to lunch months ago, on our way to visit his nearby project.
Gretchen held the door open, but I couldn’t move. “Hel-lo?” she urged, ushering for me to enter.
I fumbled for an excuse to leave but came up short. It was Saturday, anyway, and David shouldn’t be working nearby, so I followed Gretchen inside.
I recognized the red-lipped hostess, despite the fact that she wasn’t nearly as cheery as she had been when I was with David. I wondered if she was trying to place me, since she gave me a curious, narrow-eyed look. I furtively scanned the restaurant as she led us to an open, conspicuous table.
I ordered a burger, or rather, Gretchen ordered one for me, but I found it hard to stomach. After making a show of the first two bites, I nibbled on the side salad while Gretchen caught me up on the goings-on at the public relations firm where she worked.
“You’ve got to come with me to California next time,” she was saying. “Los Angeles in the summertime is the shit. I even took a couple surf lessons.”
“Doesn’t sound like work,” I muttered.
“It’s all about schmoozing, Liv, and—”
“David!” I heard behind me.
I froze.
Was that . . . ?No.
“David, my man,” the male voice boomed. “How’ve you been?”
My heart whipped into a violent pounding, filling my ears as blood rushed to my head. I waited for that deep bass that had lulled me to sleep with its memory some nights and others, had haunted my dreams.
Gretchen cocked her head. Her mouth moved, but I heard nothing.
With slow precision, I turned my head over my left shoulder and glanced back. Two men I’d never seen before shook hands emphatically. Through my decelerating heartbeat, I heard one call the other “David.”
I shook my head quickly and returned my attention to Gretchen. She was still talking about California, though now she was looking at my plate. To preempt another argument, I forced myself to take another bite of hamburger. I chewed the patty methodically until it was mush in my mouth and swallowed because I thought she might notice if I spit it out.
