I smile. “All right. You don’t have to. How about if I bring you some coffee?”
She sighs deeply, her eyes closed. “Sure. Whatever.”
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Here, I’ve been worried she might prefer coffee to anything else, even sex. Even me. And she feelswhateverabout it? She must really be out of it. I need something to do with myself until the next round, so I trash the condom in the bathroom, pull on my boxer briefs, and head into the kitchen. I start a pot of Quench coffee. It no longer belongs to Sadie. It’s post-fucking-Halston coffee now, and it’ll taste even better. Because Halston and I are better. I might’ve elbowed my way into her life, but Halston hasn’t held back with me. She was completely present just now. Sadie often went somewhere else in our most intimate moments—to Nathan, I guess. I could tell, even when she denied it.
Not Halston, though. She gave me all of herself, and all I had to do was ask.
As soon as the pot drips its last drop, Halston shuffles into the kitchen, blonde hair damp and tousled, wearing just my t-shirt. It swings around her bare thighs. I’d bet a million bucks she’s got no panties on under there. That’s enough to get me half hard again. “Hey.”
She grins like a junkie who just raided her stash. “Hi.”
“Sit. I’ve got your coffee coming right up. Strong as an ox.”
She scrapes a chair out from under the kitchen table and plops onto it. “That was . . .”
“Shitty?” I ask.
Her cheeks burn red. “That’s not funny. I can’t believe you did that.”
“I told you to get un-squeamish. At least we were in the shower.” I get two mugs from a cupboard as she scoffs. I look back at her. “Listen, in the bedroom, if it feels good for both of us, it’s fair game. That’s all I’m saying.”
She narrows her eyes, shaking her head with a small smile. “You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever . . .” She looks down at her lap and goes completely still. “Um. Finn?”
“Yeah, babe.” I set her coffee down and sit across from her.
“The condom.”
“I know.” I plant my elbows on the table and run both hands through my hair. “It fucking sucks we have to use one, but I’ve got issues about it.”
She looks up at me, her bottom lip between her teeth. “Issues . . .?”
I massage my jaw. It’s not something I enjoy talking about, but I feel close to Halston right now. And I plan to get even chummier, so she needs to know. I’m comfortable enough to go where I’d rather not. “Kendra and I dated when I was just out of college, for about a year, and then I ended things. But she was used to getting what she wanted, and she wanted me.”
She knits her eyebrows. “What’s that have to do with condoms?”
“She came by one night. We had break-up sex. No big deal, lots of couples do it, but it didn’t change my feelings for her. We were completely over. Unfortunately, she didn’t tell me she’d stopped taking birth control. That’s how Marissa was conceived.”
Halston looks horrified. “Oh my God.”
I sip my drink and Halston does the same. The mug’s the same cool gray as her eyes. “Yeah. It started this whole downward spiral of stuff. I felt responsible, so I married her. Her parents were devastated. They thought I was a bum. At the time, I’d been trying to make it as a photographer, but I was barely getting by. Her dad got me admitted into business school without asking me, and I went. Not for him or for Kendra, but for Marissa. I knew, even if I tripled the work I was doing as a photographer, there was no supporting a child on what I’d be making.”
“She manipulated you.”
“And she’s been doing it ever since. The affair was the catalyst for the divorce, so she brings it up any chance she gets. She uses Marissa against me at every turn. It’s not ideal, but it’s my life.”
Halston doesn’t respond. At first, I think she’s shocked, but then I realize she’s gulping air fast—toofast to let any out. “I-I . . .”
I stand, pushing my chair back. “What’s wrong?” She turns sheet-white and begins to wheeze. I kneel in front of her. “Are you having a panic attack?”
Distantly, she looks down and grabs the edge of her t-shirt. Awful scenarios filter through my head. Did I hurt her? Is she bleeding? Did the Kendra stuff scare her? She lifts the hem, but there’s nothing there.
“Halston, talk to me. What is it?”
“I think the condom broke.” She touches herself between the legs, and her fingers come back slick. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t do it on purpose.”
I sit back on my heels. My relief eases slightly, but not completely.Fuck. I didn’t check the condom before I tossed it. It definitely wasn’t empty, but maybe it wasn’t full, either. I cover her hand with mine. “Are you on birth control?”
“Yes. I swear, I would never, ever lie about that, no matter how upset . . . no matter how much I wanted . . .”
