“Where do I sign up?” she blurts, making my heart leap.
I clear my throat. “Said perks include, but are not limited to, the following: one, lifetime tickets toany22 Goats show, anywhere in the world, including backstage passes. Two, Momma Lou’s famous cooking at frequent family meals, including, but not limited to, her famous lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, and turkey chili. Three, fishing with my dad and Colby, any time you’d like. Asterisk: not to exceed one day of fishing per month.”
She laughs.
“Four,” I continue, “for the next year, Kat says you can borrow any item of clothing in her closet at any time, no need to ask permission, since none of it fits her, anyway. Five, I’ll expertly fold all our fitted sheets—I promise.”
“Wow.”
“I know. Life-changing. And, six—and this is by far the most valuable perk—Ball Peen Hammer will shake his assfor freeat Charlotte’s next birthday party!”
Tessa hoots with laughter.
“Now, do youreallywanna be the one to tell Charlotte you turned down a lap-dance for her from Ball Peen Hammer?”
“Hell no,” she replies. “Actually, Charlotte’s birthday is next month. I’m thrilled to be able to get my shopping done so far in advance.”
Oh my God. Did Tessa just tell me she’s prepared to say yes to metoday? Holy fuck! I think she did.
I move to the next slide, my pulse quickening. “Reason Six: If you marry me, I’ll take ballroom dancing lessons.”
She flashes me an adorable smile. “Really?”
“Really. I wanna be able to lead you and not embarrass myself.”
She clutches her heart. “I can’t wait.”
My heart is gonna break my sternum. Why, oh why, did I write ten fucking reasons into this presentation? The ring box in my pocket suddenly feels like it’s on fire.
I click on the next slide: “Reason Seven: If you marry me, I promise the sex will always be fucking amazing.”
“This one is self-explanatory,” I say. “But lemme just say, I’m gonna worship your body every night of my life, I swear to God.”
She shoots me a sexy smile.
I move to the next slide: “Reason Eight: If you marry me, the universe will be happy. We’re fate, baby,” I say. “You think it’scoincidenceI met you in a bar in Seattle, hacked nine airlines to find you, and thenhappenedto run into you on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Bah. There’s no such thing as coincidence.We’re meant to be. Clearly, the universe wants us to be together, Tessa.”
“Well, gosh,” she says. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint theuniverse.”
I feel like I’m gonna pass out. I click to the next slide, leaping out of my skin with excitement: “Reason Nine: If you marry me, I promise to make you happy.”
I swallow hard. “Tessa, to be clear, I don’t actually believe one personcanmake another person happy long-term—true happiness is something a person’s gotta find for him or herself. But I sure as hell promise to give you everything humanly possible to allow you to find your happiness. I promise I’ll be the best husband and father I can be. I’ll support and protect and love you with all my heart and soul. I’ll worship your body and cherish your heart and nurture your soul. I promise I’ll never do anything to hurt or betray you.I promise. We’ll be a team, love. Afamily. Me and you. You’ll never, ever have reason to doubt me.”
She looks deeply moved. Speechless. She presses her lips together, obviously trying not to cry.
I click on the final slide, my entire body quaking: “Reason Ten: If you marry me, you’ll get to wear this fucking awesome rock on your finger ’til the end of time.”
Her eyes widen. She inhales sharply.
Quickly, I kneel before her, pull the burning ring box out of my pocket, and open its lid to reveal the big-ass, sparkling rock my momma helped me pick out (with the help of Tessa’s momma via FaceTime)—and, just as I hoped she would, Tessa instantly morphs into a gasping, trembling, sobbing mess.
“Tessa Rodriguez,” I say, tears in my eyes, my voice breaking. “I think you hung the moon, baby, and I always will.I love you the most. So, please,for the love of God and all the reasons outlined in my Power Point presentation, will youpleasesay ‘hell yes’ to becoming my wife?”
Tessa nods furiously. “Hell yes.”
I slide the ring on her trembling finger with a whoop and leap up to kiss the living hell out of her. After a few moments of kissing and gasping and whispered promises, I disengage from her and pull out my phone. “Let’s get Josh and Kat over here to celebrate.”
“Oh my gosh,” Tessa exclaims. “I totally forgot they’re at the coffee place!” She looks down at the ring on her hand. “I can’t wait to tell them.”
