“Charlotte, I’m perfectly sane. Ryan’s gonna be Josh’s brother in two days and he’s a manwhore of epic proportions. He’s a nonstarter.”
“Why do you think he’s a manwhore? You said yourself the pterodactyl’s story about him was all bullshit.”
“Yeah, he’s not a lyingcheaterlike I originally thought. But I’ve called him a manwhore multiple times and he’s never corrected me. Babe, no man can screw like he does withoutlotsof practice.” I sigh. “God only knows how many women he’s made feel exactly the way he’s making me feel this week—like I’m the most special girl in the world. Clearly, that’s just what he does—and then he moves on.”
“Oh my freaking God.” Charlotte sighs. “Do me a favor, would you? Ask Ryan exactly how many women he’s made feel ‘like the most special girl in the world’ and then ‘moved on from’ over the past three months. Would you do that for me?”
“Why on earth would I do that? I don’t want to hear about Ryan’s many conquests any more than he wants to hear about the number of times I’ve changed the batteries on my vibrator.”
“Honey. You two need to talk. You’re obviously falling in love with him.”
“No. Look, Char, I totally get why you’re worried, but I promise I won’t let myself get too wrapped up in the fairytale, okay? I know Ryanseemsperfect and itfeelslike we’re falling in love—but I’m well aware it’s all a role-play in paradise. Frankly, it’sgoodhe’s an epic manwhore—knowing that is what’s enabled me to let loose with him and have so much fun. But I’ve got my eyes wide open and my heart firmly guarded and I know what he is. Now stop worrying about me and I’ll talk to you when you get back from your cruise. I’ve totally got this.”
Charlotte exhales with exasperation. “If you say so, Crazy Girl. But if it turns out you’re not quite as right about all this as you think and you need me for any reason while I’m on the cruise, email me. There’s apparently no cell-phone coverage at all on the cruise, but I’ll be able to log onto Wi-Fi every night.”
“Thanks, but I won’t need you. I’m having fun with a beautiful manwhore, pretending we’re in a fairytale. And when the week’s over, I promise I won’t let myself get hurt. There’s only two more days left of this fantasy. Surely, I can keep myself from falling in love with any man for that long. Don’t worry—I’ve got this.”
58
Ryan
“How many cards?” Josh asks, looking at me.
“Two,” I say, giving him my lame-duck cards in exchange for new ones. “And make ’em good ones, Lambo, for the love of God.”
For the past hour, I’ve been sitting at a table in Josh’s bungalow next to Zander, the two of us drinking Scotch and playing poker with Josh, Jonas, Reed, Henn, and a couple of Josh’s old fraternity brothers.
Yeah, that’s right: Zander and I are playing poker with Josh’s brother and closest friends. It’s a little random, I know, but the way it happened makes perfect sense: Keane, Z, Colby, and I were heading down to the beach for some kayaking when one of Kat’s highly attractive friends from college sashayed past us in her barely-there-string-bikini and murmured something to Keane that made him turn on his heel and follow her, calling over his shoulder, “Go ahead without me, guys!”.
So, Zander, Colby, and I wound up kayaking without Keane, and, afterwards, as we three were heading back in from the beach, we ran into Josh and his closest buddies on their way to play poker in Josh’s bungalow, which is when they invited us to join in. Z and I accepted the invitation while Colby begged off, and, now, here Z and I are, the two of us smokin’ cigars and drinkin’ Scotch and hangin’ like homies with Josh and his closest crew.
“How many cards, Z?” Josh asks, chewing on the end of his cigar.
“Three,” Zander replies, tossing his cast-offs to Josh.
“So how you feeling on your last night as a free man, Josh?” Jonas asks his brother.
“Like a kid on Christmas Eve,” Josh replies. “Oh, hey, by the way, Kat doesn’t want me to see her on our wedding day ’til she walks down the aisle in her dress—so can she sleep with Sarah tonight and you sleep here?”
“Yeah, Sarah already told me,” Jonas says. “It’s fine. I mean, not sleeping with my wife tonight is a huge sacrifice, but I’ll consider it one of my wedding gifts to you.”
“It’s your wedding gift to Kat and Kat alone. I don’t want these stupid sleeping arrangements any more than you do, bro.”
“Happy wife, happy life,” Jonas says. “It’s the key to the kingdom.”
“No doubt.”
“Yo, Henn, it’s your bet,” Reed says.
“Yeah, yeah, I know—I’m thinking,” Henn says. “Why’d you have to deal me such shitty cards, Joshua?” He lays down his cards, facedown. “I’m out, thanks to your piss-poor card-dealing.”
Josh chuckles.
Reed shoves a stack of chips into the pot. “Looks like Mr. Faraday dealt me all your good cards, Henny-Baby.”
“Bah, you’re bluffing,” Josh says to Reed. “I can read you like a book, Rivers—and it’s clear to me you’ve got nuttin’.” He shoves a bunch of chips into the kitty to match Reed’s. “You might have a Midas touch when it comes to selling music to the masses, but you’re about to become my little bitch when it comes to cards.”
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough who’s the little bitch, won’t we?” Reed says.
