“In real life?” Josh asks.
“Outside of work. Everywhere else.”
“See? I told you, babe!” Kat says triumphantly.
“What the fuck!” Josh says, laughing. “After six years, you finally tell me this little factoid about yourself for the first time?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, laughing with everyone at the table. “For some stupid reason, I put my given name on my résumé, and when you started calling me ‘Theresa,’ I just never corrected you. But, yeah, I’ve never gone by Theresa in my life, ever, other than with you.”
Josh shakes his head. “You’re so lame, T.”
I laugh. “I know. I’m sorry. Feel free to keep calling me Theresa. I’m totally used to it by now.”
“Fuckno,” Josh says, like I’ve just suggested he clean his toilet bowl with his tongue. “If family calls you Tessa, then that’s what I’ll call you, too.” He smiles warmly at me.
I flash him a shy smile, but my heart is racing. If this isn’t the best week of my life, I don’t know what is. “Okay,” I say. “Thank you.”
Keane whistles like he’s summoning a dog. “Um, excuse me,Tessa? Congrats on the Hallmark moment with your boss, but I believe I was in the middle of bagging a babe?”
Everyone laughs.
“Forgive me,” I say. “Proceed with the babe-baggery.”
“Thank you.” Keane pauses for effect and then cartoonishly flashes me an unmistakable smolder. “Helloooo.”
I giggle. “Hello.”
“What’s your name, beautiful girl?”
“Tessa.”
“I’m Keane.” He puts out his hand and I shake it. “It’s apleasureto meet you,Tessa.” He flashes me his dimples for a long beat and then looks at Henn. “Okeedokey, she’s good to go.”
Everyone laughs.
“What?” Henn says, incredulous. “T-Rod, are you ‘good to go’?”
“Not by a long mile,” I say, and everyone laughs again.
Keane rolls his eyes. “Well, of course,you’renot good to go,T-Rod. My charm won’t work on you because we’ve already established a big-sister-little-brother thing.”
My heart skips a beat. He feels it, too? Oh my God, I’m in heaven.
“Plus, you’re a smart-girl,” Keane continues, “and I never go for smart-girls. Ask anyone—way too much trouble. But, I’m tellin’ ya, gimme a random, not-so-smart chick in a bar and what I just did would work like a charm. And you wanna know why? Because I sent you a subliminal message to the pleasure-center in your brain by using your name and the word ‘pleasure’ in close proximity. Andthen, I went in for the kill by flashingthese.” He smiles and points at his dimples. “Which means I’ve got my field sown, so to speak, and now, all I have to do isthis.” He crooks his finger in a come-hither motion. “And you’ll follow me to the ends of the earth.”
Everyone laughs and expresses outrage.
“Peenie’s not exaggerating all that much, guys,” Zander says. “I’ve seen him in action too many times to count, and all he has to do is smile and women pretty much throw themselves at him. The come-hither motion is a bonus.”
“Yup,” Keane says. “It’s like pickin’ chocolates outta box—pickles from a jar.”
“Unfortunately, I can vouch for him, too,” Kat tells the group. “Women blatantly throw themselves at Peenie, no matter what completely piggish or sexist thing he says or does. They have no self-respect or shame.”
“Hey, I’m not apig,” Keane says defensively, and he sounds remarkably sincere. “I respect and admire women and that’s the God’s truth. The Motherboard would string me up by my balls if I didn’t. It’s not my fault I was born withthese.” Keane smiles and points at his dimples and everyone laughs.
“Ugh,” Henn says. “You Morgan boys are living in the same alternate universe as the Faradays—a world I’ve never visited. Not that I need advice on ‘bagging babes’ these days, thank God...” He puts his arm around Hannah’s shoulder. “But, if I did, I wouldn’t ask any of you dudes. I mean, jeez, if I didthisto a girl.” He crooks his finger at Hannah. “She’d dothis.” He raises a stiff middle finger and everyone laughs.
“No, I wouldn’t,” Hannah says. “I’d dothis.” She grabs Henn’s head like a bowling ball and lays a big ol’ kiss on his lips, making everyone at the table laugh and swoon.
