“How the hell did you figure it out?” I ask.
Kat tells me how she put two and two together last night when Henn mentioned “Charlotte McDougal,” and then how she got Tessa to unwittingly give up the ghost without even realizing it.
“And Tessa still has no clue she told you everything?” I ask.
“Of course, not.” Kat bats her eyelashes. “I’m a covert operative—you know that.”
I let out a long exhale. “Kat, promise me you won’t tell anyone, okay? Especially not Josh. He’s already warned me off her and I don’t want to piss him off.”
“Josh warned you off her? When?”
I quickly tell Kat the story. “It’s understandable,” I say, “given that he thinks I’ve still got a massive boner for some Argentinian flight attendant named Samantha.”
Kat bursts out laughing. “Oh my God. This entire situation is hilarious.”
“No, it’s not. It’s horrible. Josh thinks I’m a fickle fucker whose only goal in life is getting laid by random Argentinians and it couldn’t be further from the truth.”
Kat giggles. “He thinks you’re Keane with an Argentine fetish.”
“Fucking Peen.”
“Fucking Peen,” Kat agrees. “So why don’t you just tell Josh T-Rod is Samantha and he’s got it all wrong?” Kat says. “Problem solved.”
“I can’t. I promised Tessa I wouldn’t say a word to him or anyone. I mean, if I get my way, by the end of this week, everyone will know everything, but until then, it’s nobody’s business but hers.”
Kat makes a face I can’t decode.
“Please, Kat,” I say. “Help me keep things on the down-low with her for a few days. Tessa doesn’t make snap-decisions. She likes having plenty of time to process.”
“I know. She’s a Virgo.” She rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry—I know that kind of girl well. I’m best friends with Sarah, remember?”
“Speaking of which, whatever happened to you not wanting me to date your friends? When I wanted to date Sarah, you shut me down, and now you’re gung ho to fix me up with Tessa?”
“That whole thing with Sarah was back when you were a little man-child, Rum Cake. You’re a grown man now—a really, really good man.”
“Thanks, Splooge. I always knew I loved you the most. Speaking of which, the reason I came over here is I need your brilliant, diabolical mind. Reed Rivers is sniffing around my girl right this very minute by the pool. I need you to go over there and get him the fuck away from her.”
“I can’t go over there. It’d be too obvious.”
“Not as obvious as me going over there. Come on, Kat. Help a brother out.”
“I think you’re being paranoid, Ry. Reed might be hitting on Tessa, but he’s not gonna make any headway. She’s not the kind of girl who does two different guys in two days.”
“Yeah, normally, but I’m worried as hell Tessa thinks she’s on some sort of sexual-liberation bender.” I explain how Tessa refused to commit to exclusivity with me last night. “If ever there was a moment in time when that girl would go completely off the rails, I think it’s right fucking now.” I run my hand through my hair. “Kat, please. I didn’t come over here to debate this with you. I need you to get your preggers ass over there and get Mr. Music-Mogul-Fuckface away from my girl.”
“Okay, take a chill-pill, darling brother—I’ve got this. One whisper to Josh that Reed’s making the moves on his sweet and naïve personal assistant and he’ll sprint over there and yank Reed back by the scruff of his neck. Josh loves Reed like a brother, but he’s said more than once he doesn’t want that guy within twenty yards of T-Rod.”
“Well, good, because neither do I.”
“You really like her, huh?”
“Kat, ‘like’ doesn’t come close to encapsulating what I’m feeling. But we don’t have time to talk about this.You need to go.”
Kat looks smug. “Maybe next time you’ll listen to your little sister when she says she’s got the perfect girl for you, huh?”
“Sweetheart, if things keep progressing the way I’m hoping they will, there won’t be a next time.”
Kat squeals and grabs my hand. “Okay, Rum Cake, let’s go put a bug in my soon-to-be-husband’s ear and get Mr. Music-Mogul-Fuckface away from my future sister-in-law.”
