“So am I. It’s something I can carry with me. Doesn’t hurt to know she approves of us being together.”
Grady scoffs. “As if she would ever deny you. That trait runs in my family.”
“Oh my gosh.” If I wasn’t already sitting, my knees would have given out. Fresh tears blur my vision. “I can’t even. You’re so damn sweet to me, Gray.”
His thumb wipes at my wet cheeks. “I’d be a shell without you, Sutt. This situation would throw me over the edge. Because of you, I’m able to push past the bad. I’ll be okay.”
I lean into his touch. “We’ll always make it through, Gray. I truly believe that. Today is going to be nearly impossible. Tell me what to do. Anything you need.”
“Just you, baby. Having you with me for this means everything. My happy something in the pit of sorrow.”
“I’d never be anywhere else.”
His lips find mine, sealing us in an intimate bubble. I hug my arms around him and erase any sliver of distance between us. We get lost in one another, the ache ebbing ever so slightly.
A soft knock interrupts our tender moment. We sigh in unison and glance over to the sound. The door edges open and a nurse appears. “Is this an okay time?”
Grady glares at her. “For what?”
I startle at the harsh whip in his tone. “Easy, Gray.”
His stare tracks her hesitant steps, as if she’s an enemy about to pounce. She holds up her palms and moves toward us. “I didn’t mean to disturb. This was my next stop. I’m Bianca, the nurse assigned to Camilla this evening.” She gives an awkward wave. “I just need to check her vitals. It shouldn’t take long.”
Grady continues staring at her through narrow slits. “What could’ve changed?”
I nudge him in the ribs. “Stop it. She’s just doing her job.”
Bianca busies herself charting levels from the machines hooked up to Camilla. Grady rips his gaze off her and focuses those green depths on me. My stomach squeezes at the pure agony reflecting there.
“I’m the one”—he gulps in a breath—“in charge of telling them when to kill her.”
I hiss out an exhale. Talk about morbid. No child should have to make that decision for their parent, or anyone really. What a horrible position to be in. “Now?”
Bianca drops her tablet and it clatters to the floor. She scoops up the device, darting across the room and out of sight.
Grady watches her scurry off. “Not necessarily. When I’m ready.” His eyes roll. “Because that’s a humane option to offer. They’ll keep her heart beating and force air into her lungs until I’m willing to pull the plug. As if that makes it easier to let go.”
“This will be the most difficult decision you’ll ever make. But she’s in your hands. Think about it as setting her free. We’ll do it together. I’ll be right here with you.”
A single drop trickles down his cheek. “I’m not strong enough for this shit.”
I grab his hand, linking our fingers in a tight web. My eyes are hot and leaking in earnest. I don’t bother wiping the salty tracks away. “You’re a damn warrior, Grady Bowen. Life has been a constant battle. But you fight and never quit. Your mom is going to a better place, Gray. You have to trust in that.”
His nod is a slow dip. “I do. She wasn’t happy here. Hopefully her next stop is better.”
“It will be.” I barely recognize the croak of my voice.
The silence swoops in, dark and heavy. The weight of what needs to happen hangs in a thick curtain around us. I blink my swollen eyelids, her resting body a glow of white light. She’s so calm and ethereal. Hopefully Grady sees that.
I lean forward to whisper in her ear. “We ran out of time. I wish we had more. Find peace. Look down on us. We’ll look up for you.” I press a palm to my mouth to trap a sob. “I promise to take good care of him for you. He’s very well loved.” I can’t say more without choking over my words. The chair squeaks when I fall into it.
Grady kisses her forehead, his tears raining onto her pale skin. “Love you, mama.”
I hiccup over the lump clogging my windpipe. My chest is caving in, a hurricane wreaking havoc inside of me. Grady has given up hiding his grief. The streaks flow freely down his face. I open my arms and he slumps into me. His entire body shakes in my hold. My mountain of a man is crumbling.
Seconds bleed into minutes as we share in this wrenching misery. We stay locked together until the tears dry and the clouds part. Grady picks up a remote attached to the bed, pressing the red button.
A flurry of activity ensues almost immediately. Three nurses stride in, followed by a doctor. He nods at Grady on his way to Camilla’s side. “Mr. Bowen?”
