I don’t answer. I’ve bared enough of myself for one night. I’ve gotten the intimacy I wanted, and being with him has been just right. I don’t want to risk going any deeper.
He seems to understand my silence, letting the question hang as we drift to sleep.
13
Finn’s bed is white, the brightest spot I’ve seen in his apartment. Snowy pillows and sheets match the frost forming on the glass outside. An indigo dawn yawns through the window. He’s no longer curled around me, but the mattress dips with his weight.
I look over my shoulder. His face is shadowed, his silhouetted profile strong and square against the linens as he stares up at the ceiling. I want to go to him, but I’m warm and heavy where I am, glutted with him.
“Hey.” My voice cracks.
He turns his head. “Hey. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’m going to take a quick shower,” he says. “Go back to sleep.”
I check the clock on his nightstand. “Do you always get up at five?”
“I’ll come back to bed when I’m done.”
“You want company? I should shower before work.”
“No.”
I’m not entirely awake, but his rejection is harsh enough to sting. I turn back to my side of the bed. “Oh-kay.”
He laughs and squeezes my shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. The thing is, I’m kind of dying over here.”
“Dying?”
“I want to fuck you so bad, Halston. More than I’ve ever wanted to do anything. I can’t believe I’m the idiot without a condom.”
“You could’ve just gone downstairs to get one.”
“Then I’d have to leave you. Anyway, I’m hot and hard and it’s not going so well for me. That’s why I just need to take a cold shower. Alone.”
I bite my lip to keep from smiling over his discomfort. “But it’s like forty degrees outside.”
“Yeah. I realize I sound like a sex addict. I should keep my mouth shut.”
“I like it open,” I say, my voice raspy. “Your mouth.”
“Yeah?” He kisses me on the back of the head. “I promise, I’ll do nothing other than buy condoms today. All day long. Or at least until you can get back here. When do you get off work?”
Work.Shit. It’s warm and perfect in here, cold, crowded and loud out there. I have to see Rich. And my dad. Maybe I can avoid them . . . the arguing . . . the attempts to change my mind . . . and come back here.
My new happy place.
Finn’s warm, soft bed.
“What?” Did he ask me something? Oh, yes. Work. “I’m done at six . . . ish.”
“How about five-ish?”
“Hmm?”
“Four?” His laugh sounds distant. “Sleep. I’ll be right back.”
