“I’m eighteen. Only two years younger than you.”
He waves off my words. “Age is just a number. You’re sheltered as fuck. Get out and experience the world before shackling yourself to the gutter. Get outta here before Jace finds you missing.”
Rather than retreat, I erase the remaining distance to his bed. “I don’t care about my brother.”
Grady’s snort resembles a bull. “I sure as shit do.”
Of course he does. They might as well be related by blood, not just sentiment. Defeat appears in two large boulders weighing my shoulders down. He won’t budge, no matter how hard I push. A seed of nostalgia plants itself in my mind. I find myself changing tactics as a last-ditch effort. “Tell me a happy something, Gray.”
His chuckle is empty. “Nah, we’re too old for that shit. But nice try. Don’t have any spare joy to share.”
I blink at the unshed tears slowly building momentum. I want to scream at him. Demand that he forgets the pain and anger for one second to see what’s standing right in front of him. But I force the fire down. “Want me to tell you one?”
“Won’t change my mind.”
I glance away to hide my wobbling lip and wet lashes. “Will you at least hold me for a bit? Like you used to during storms?”
“Sutt—”
“Please, Grady. I never ask for anything from you.” I scoot forward until my legs bump the mattress.
With a resigned sigh, he opens his arms. “All right, fine. Five minutes, then you’re going home. C’mere.”
I nod and quickly cuddle into his side. He smells of a hardworking man, that familiar mix of motor oil and fresh hay. I snuggle deeper while inhaling the scent of my dreams. “Remember the first happy something I gave you?”
Grady nods, his chin ghosting across my forehead. He doesn’t protest while I tug us along some pleasant highlights. I fill the chilly silence with sunny chatter. Grady doesn’t add to the conversation, keeping it one-sided. It’s probably for the best. Nothing he shares lately is good.
My five minutes loop several times before I run out of steam. We’re stuck at a fork in the road. Sad as it might be, I find myself turning in the direction that leads away from him. “I’ll miss you, Gray.”
A rumble rises off his chest. “Yeah? Try forgetting me while you’re at it. You’ll be better off.”
I don’t bother responding. With that final blow, a gate slams shut between us. The clang ripples through me, solidifying what I’ve been trying to deny. This is the end of us. But this has always been the story of a girl desperately in love with a boy. Irrevocably and unrequited.
I’m ready to leave these well-worn pages behind.
1
Sutton
Happy something #54: Setting a goal, only to reach and surpass it.
Idrop my cap into the box and fold up the matching gown. The maroon polyester slides across my fingers with a quiet whoosh. Another chapter of my life is coming to a close, welcoming new opportunities and adventures. That’s what I keep telling myself about graduating college. If I’m being completely honest, the last four years raced by in a blur.
The gleam of spotless glass catches my eye. I pick up the framed diploma and smooth a finger over my name written in scrolling script. This piece of embossed paper represents so much. All of the credits and courses that give me a sturdy foundation. Valuable lessons that can never be replicated. Late nights of studying and missed hours of sleep. Perhaps most importantly, honed and sharpened skills that will advance me in a competitive field. My career is built on this degree. I’ll be taken more seriously because of the time and effort spent earning it. The memory of a certain green-eyed boy glares at me. He didn’t believe advanced education was necessary to be successful. That opinion isn’t wrong, it just isn’t mine.
The final feathers of my youth are strewn about campus. Not that twenty-two is old. But most of my reckless and rash decision making is behind me. That’s what I’m claiming, at least. A streak of untamed impulsiveness remains. I’ll never be able to shed my ability to make poor choices. Not entirely. Even now, as I prepare to become a professional and take on a more serious role in society, that stubborn strand lays dormant just beneath the surface. I feel that tightly wound coil waiting for an opportune moment to break free. Returning to my roots probably has a lot to do with that.
Without further dwelling, I set the frame in a box with the rest of my valuable mementos. I roll my shoulders in an attempt to alleviate the pressure building there. For every friction of excitement that zips along my skin, a daunting shiver follows. There’s so much change coming and I can’t seem to collect my scattered feelings. Returning home to begin my adult life isn’t all roses and sunny warmth. There’s one very large storm cloud waiting to crash down on me. Or maybe he’ll continue avoiding my path. I’ve been made well aware that’s one of his newfound specialties. And contradicting myself is one of mine.
It’s discouraging, and more than a little upsetting.
“Whatcha doing, Sutt?”
The question efficiently stops me from traveling further down that dark road. I give my friend a small smile. “Packing what’s left of my stuff.”
“Ah, exhilarating. I just stacked up the last of mine.” Harlyn peeks into the nearest box and looks back at me. Whatever she finds makes her squint, studying me with greater scrutiny than necessary. I try not to squirm as she digs deeper under my layers. She tilts her head at me. “You’re not getting sentimental, right? We both know that’s my job.”
I wrinkle my nose, trying to hide the slight sting from the earlier reverie. The pungent aroma of cleaning supplies filters into my lungs. “I’m fine. It’s just a big move.”
