“They don’t change your personality.” He furrows his eyebrows. “You know that, right? They clear away the bad shit so you can function how you’re supposed to.”
“And you would know? Areyoutaking them?” I ask sardonically. “I’m sure my dad convinced you I’m better off.”
“He didn’t. I’ve done my research, Halston.”
“He never would’ve let me stop them,” I mutter. “He doesn’t know how to handle me.”
“You’resohard on him.” He unbuckles his seatbelt to angle his entire body toward me. “Why? He does everything for you. He pays for your treatment. He created a position at the company for you. He doesn’t care if you show up late or take a long lunch—”
“That’s guilt over how he’s treated me the past ten years. It’s the only way he knows how to keep me happy and going along with what you guys want. But you never see that, do you? You always side with him.”
“I don’t, and youknowthat. I genuinely don’t believe your dad has wronged you by paying your rent. And it isn’t healthy for you to get so worked up over him.”
“Itishealthy. The world won’t end if I feel strongly about something.”
“Christ,” he says, sighing. “What’swrong? Why are you suddenly hell-bent on stopping the meds?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m good.” I don’t tell him that I’m better than good. Maybe he thinks tonight is going downhill, but for me, I’m finally shedding the past decade of nothingness. Finn has brought a lot to the surface—and I’m surprisingly grateful for it.
“Does it have to do with . . .” Rich’s throat sounds raw. I squint to try and read him. “Is it something new?” he asks. “A new . . . pattern? Something really bad this time?”
I nearly laugh.Patternis one of Rich’s words for addiction. Other words includehabit,routine, orweakness.
“You saw me tonight with the coffee. Do you think I’m doubling up on obsessions now?”
“You know I hate that word.”
So does my dad, which is why I chose it overaddiction. “I guess I forgot. What’s wrong with obsession again?”
“Obsessions are for teenage girls.”
“Then is it any wonder I’m like this?” I ask, raising my voice. “In a lot of ways, I stillama teenage girl. How could I not be?”
He frowns. “What?”
“My dad dopes me up practicallythe daymy mom dies. Then terrifies me into staying on them the rest of my life by telling me if I stop, I’ll do something destructive and reckless again. How can Inotbe emotionally stunted?”
“I don’t know where all this is coming from,” Rich says. “I’ve never heard you talk about this.”
“Which is why I said you don’t fucking know me.”
“Calm down.”
“Calm down? You brought this up. You were trying to provoke me, and it worked.”
“I was not.”
“Yes you were. You brought up the wine, the coffee, the meds, thepatterns. Why, if not to get under my skin? What do you want from me?”
“Come on, Halston. Look at you. You’re acting paranoid and agitated. What could possibly be the reason for that?” he asks wryly. “Gee, let me think.”
I curl my hands into fists. It’s as if I’ve been in a box, and I’m pushing the lid open inch by inch. Rich wants it to stay closed, doesn’t want to know what’s inside in case he doesn’t like it. I lean between the two front seats. “Stop the car.”
“Do not stop the car,” Rich says, then turns back to me. “You’re unstable. I’m taking you back to my place.”
“I’m getting out whether you stop the car or not,” I threaten the driver.
He glances over his shoulder at us. “Uh.”
