“Tell me how you met Frankie’s mom,” she whispered, encouraging me to go on.
“Was lost for a lot of years, Rynna. Fuckinglost. But the wilderness gets lonely, you know? So, I fucked around. And that was messed up, too, because any time I touched another girl, when I closed my eyes, only thing I saw was Sydney’s face.”
Rynna flinched, but I continued, unable to stop the train wreck from tumbling from my mouth. “Then Frankie’s mom...”
Rynna’s spine went rigid.
“It was just the same as always. Met her at a bar on the other side of town. Went back to her place. Whole time, that same guilt ate me up because the only thing I could think was I wished she was Sydney. Then one day, she showed up at my house, telling me she was pregnant.”
My voice dropped low, and my mouth angled at Rynna like I were offering her a dirty secret. “I freaked out. Accused her of lying. Claimed it wasn’t mine...because fuck, I couldn’t have a kid. Not with her.”
Rynna tried to subdue a sob. But it tore free. A partner to the ripping wind. “She’d told me fine. She’d get rid of it. No problem. She took off down my driveway. Next thing I know, I was chasing her, pleading with her to come back, promising her we’d figure it out. She told me the only way she was going to keep it was if I married her.”
The words deepened like a plea. “My mom always taught me to do the right thing, Rynna. So, I did. I married her. I didn’t even know her, didn’t even like her, and I fucking married her.”
“Rex,” she whispered.
My gaze turned to where she was still on her knees, staring up at me. Emotion throbbed all around. Circling us. Drawing us in.
My body shook, every part of me overcome. Overwhelmed. “And then...I’m holding this baby girl in my arms...” I held out my hands, palms up, like somehow Rynna might get it. Like she could see me holding Frankie Leigh for the very first time. Like she could experience what that felt like. “And suddenly, it’s not just the right thing. It’s thevery best thing.”
More tears streaked from the warm well of those shimmering eyes.
My voice was gravel. “Never thought I could love like that. Not after Sydney. And I thought I’d gotten lucky. That maybe I’d been given another chance. So, I let myself love them both. Let them become the center of my world, just like they should be. I had my dog, Missy, and my girls, and we got this house and everything was fucking perfect.”
I blinked around the confusion. Around my mistakes. “Don’t even know where I went wrong. Working too long. Too many hours. Thinking I was doing what was right for them. And Frankie’s mom...she was suffering, and I didn’t even know it. I came home just as the sun was going down one night—”
I was numb as I stood by the side of the road, staring blankly as the taillights disappeared in the distance. I tried to blink through the squiggle of red, neon lines that lit up against my bleary vision. It was like looking at the sun and then closing your eyes. Or maybe I just wished they were closed. But they were open wide, my gaze sucked down.
Down.
Down.
Missy dead at my feet.
The words wouldn’t even form on my tongue, wounds ripped open wide. Gaping and bleeding. Garbling the confession because I just didn’t know what the fuck I’d done wrong.
Just didn’t understand.
Still didn’t.
And her hands. Rynna’s hands were on my face, and she was leaning on both her knees, wedged between mine, forcing me to meet her eyes. “She abandoned you and Frankie. That’s not your fault.”
“It doesn’t matter, Rynna. I still lost her. Every girl I’ve ever loved has left me. After Sydney disappearing? Anytime something happens to Frankie...” I fisted my hand, pressed it against the raging of my heart. “I’m terrified, Rynna. Terrified of her slipping away, too. Terrified of something horrible happening to her. If I lost her...fuck...I can’t. I won’t. I’ll die first before I let something happen to her. Do you get it now? Why I’m terrified of you? Why I’m terrified of the way you make me feel? This afternoon, I—”
Her words were muted but desperate. “I need you to listen to me. What happened this afternoon with Frankie wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t neglect. She was playing, loving the amazing life you’ve given her. Experiencing it the way she should. Living it to its fullest because that’s what she is. She’s life. She’s joy. She’s rambunctious and curious and perfect, and the last thing you want to do is limit that. You can’t keep her from falling, Rex, but you can be there to pick her up when she does. That’s what matters the most.”
My forehead dropped against hers, and I whispered into the darkness. “After Frankie’s mom left, I waited for her, Rynna. Waited because I thought that was what I was supposed to do.”
Loyalty.
Distorted and confused.
It spun around me like a bad fucking dream.
“Truth is, I didn’t want anyone, anyway. Didn’t want to repeat it. Refused to ever fall into that trap again.”
I gathered that gorgeous face between my hands. “And then there was you. There was beautiful you standing across the street, and every promise I’d made myself suddenly felt like a lie. You make me feel again, Rynna. You make me feel like every chance is one worth taking. Like you’re leading me out of the darkness that’s ruled my life. When I close my eyes, who I see isyou. Show me the way, Rynna. Show me the way out of it. Fuck. Please, show me the way.”
